Free Republic

For God’s sake, will somebody get Tom Daschle off caffeine? The South Dakota Democratic Senator, majority leader only because a political traitor named Jim Jeffords bolted the GOP, took the floor of the Senate Wednesday to scream and shout that Dubya is politicizing the war against terrorism. "We ought not to politicize this war. We ought not to politicize the rhetoric about life and death," Daschle said in his speech. “You tell those who fought in Vietnam and in World War Two they're not interested in the security of the American people. That is outrageous, outrageous." Tom got his underwear...

SEPARATED AT BIRTH Peter Boyle (Everybody Loves Raymond) and Jack Welch (Everybody Hates a Jerk) Director Baz Luhrman ("Moulin Rouge") and Deputy Defense Secretary Paul Wolfowitz (Assistant director "Gulf War II") Kevin Bacon and Martina Navratilova Bob Hope and Kelsey Grammer Cosmo Kramer (Michael Richards) and Ralph Nader (The reason for President Bush) Some Jihad guy and some guy dressed like Liza Minnelli

Don’t ask me why, but it won’t be long before AK47s replace dollars as world currency. Don’t ask me why, but no man is his brother’s keeper, no matter how desperately Bill Clinton’s brother needs one. Don’t ask me why, but the French are incapable of forgiving Americans for the sacrifices we made on their behalf. Don’t ask me why, but if success went to Norman Mailer’s head, it had to be introduced rectally. Don’t ask me why, but the Clintons will finally find a true way to express the depth of their caring about children by becoming a pimp...

BSNN.net Headline News WASHINGTON — Based on the results of a study by the University of Cincinnati College of Medicine, which found that depressed kids run a high risk of obesity, and based on anecdotal evidence that most American kids are depressed, the FDA, AMA, and EPA have developed a program that they hope will mirror the success of the CAFE (corporate average fuel economy) regulations. The new program will use the same initials but will refer to the Children’s Ass Fat Examination. The program will allow the FDA to set a standard for ass fat. Doctors and priests will...

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. 2. Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in. 3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People band? 4. Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up with me. Good job. 5. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a police officer. 6. I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead. 7. Bad cop, no donut. 8. You're not going to check the trunk are you? 9. Gee, that gut...

Wearing tinfoil hats to protect their private thoughts, House and Senate leaders leave a private meeting with President Bush where they complained about the FBI's practice of reading the minds of Congressmen. WASHINGTON – A week after lawmakers serving on the House-Senate panel probing pre-Sept. 11 intelligence breakdowns refused to submit to lie-detector tests to learn the source of a leak, congressional leaders now accuse the FBI of attempting to read their minds through a process known as psychotronics. House and Senate leaders demanded and received a private meeting with President Bush before his departure on a month-long-paid-family-leave to discuss...

London on 29th May 2002. First let us to start with Saddam Hussein. We all heard yesterday the news about a USA army aeroplane, without pilot, landed in Iraq, safe and sound. It was on a mission over Iraqi Kurdistan to ensure the safety of the Kurdish Safe Haven from Iraqi attacks. An aeroplane, without pilot, either remotely controlled from a land or a flying post or programmed to fly from its base to follow a certain course and then to come back to its base. Most probably USA army aeroplanes, without pilots like the one landed in Iraq, include...

It's time for motorists on northern New England's roads to take extra care. The annual migration of moose from the interior forests is on, and May is the month when police in Maine, New Hampshire and Vermont see an increase in the number of vehicle collisions with the animals. Moose have largely subsisted on twigs and small branches over the winter, and they are lured out to roadways where nutrients are plentiful in the spring. The blacktop warms up before many other areas and plants sprout there and in the surrounding marshy areas early in the season, said Maine Warden...

<p>Most callers to the number printed at the bottom of this column have general questions about travel. They want to know about places to vacation, estimates of cost, whether this cruise line is better than another cruise line, and the like. There are answers for most questions, but more than one is a stumper, especially those concerning how much money a traveler should take to a place the person answering the telephone has never heard of.</p>

OGDEN -- Local shaman Nick Stark was trampled by a moose when he came between the cow and her calf as he tried to call off his dog from barking at the big game family. Stark suffered only minor bruises in the confrontation last week. He wasn"t even upset over the irony of the fact the moose is part of his ritualistic tie to his position in the Oklevueha Earthwalks Native American Church. His medicine man name in fact is "Flowing Moose." "If I was not protected, or part of the moose energy, I probably would have been busted up...

IN BRIEF / ALASKA Panhandling Moose Gets Bum's Rush at Airport From Times Wire Reports Federal Express has told its employees at the Anchorage airport to quit feeding an orphaned moose calf that has been hanging around the company's hub, warning that adopting the calf could lead to its death. Full Text: HERE

Fall is the time when forest greens begin to blaze orange, as hunting seasons open around the country. Each year, hunters kill more than 100 million animals, and while individual reasons for hunting vary, the industry that promotes and sustains hunting has just one motive: profit. According to the International Association of Fish and Wildlife Agencies, America's 14 million hunters spend $22.1 billion each year for guns, ammunition, clothing, travel, and other related expenses. To justify hunting to a society ever more concerned about wildlife—including its conservation and humane treatment—the industry intensively promotes a set of tired myths. Learn the...

According to the article posted at Toonzone, UPN has told Disney that they will not renew their contract for One Too after the fall of 2003. Will UPN be out of the Kids Biz entirely or will Nick take over the Sunday-Friday Block?

Move over, Rosie O'Donnell: The newest "celebrity" anti-gun hypocrite is Sarah Brady. Mrs. Brady "bought her son a powerful rifle for Christmas in 2000 - and may have skirted Delaware state background-check requirements," the New York Daily News reported Thursday. Some people will do anything to tell a book. No doubt to increase interest in what otherwise would be a boring memoir, the gun rights opponent writes that she bought James Brady Jr. a Remington .30-06, "complete with scope and safety lock," at a gun shop in Lewes, Del. "I can't describe how I felt when I picked up that...

State wants to give moose permits to NRA Animal rights and anti-gun groups have expressed shock at a proposal backed by legislative leaders that would give 10 valuable moose permits to the National Rifle Association. The plan calls for the organization to sell the permits valued at tens of thousands of dollars at auction and turn over half the proceeds to the Maine Department of Inland Fisheries & Wildlife. The NRA could use the rest of the money to ''provide grants in support of its mission.'' ''The thinking is simply to fund education and training (programs),'' said Michael Lee...

 March 20, 2002 Condoms flavoured with musk ox, char and caribou hit of Arctic Games  IQALUIT, Nunavut (CP) -- Free condoms supposedly flavoured with traditional foods such as caribou, musk ox and arctic char have become the favourite collectible from this year's Arctic Winter Games in Iqaluit.  "It really started pretty much as a joke," said Todd Armstrong, HIV adviser for Pauktuutit, an Inuit women's organization.  "Often when I'm giving talks up North kids are fascinated by the fact there are cherry- or root-beer-flavoured condoms. We started saying we could have traditional-flavoured condoms."  Although the packages claim the contents...

Subject: HI- BAD NEWS Date: Wed, 13 Mar 2002 09:50:54 -0500 Hello everyone, I thought I would let you all know that come tomorrow I may be looking for a new job.  Our company came in yesterday and fired one of our upper management people.  They have let 3 upper[-level people] and 2 detailers go so far in other offices. There is talk of closing our Big Rapids office and other satellite offices. Tomorrow we [will] receive our reviews with the Auburn big wigs.  It does not look good for me or [removed], we are low on the totem pole and have already...

Mobile/PDA | Books | Onion Merchandise amp; Subscriptions | National Distribution Personals | Media Kit | Employment | Copyright 13 March 2002 nbsp; nbsp; nbsp; nbsp; SAN DIEGO#151;According to a University of California#150;San Diego study released Monday, sexism is rampant throughout the natural world, particularly among the highest classes of vertebrates. nbsp; Above: One of the millions of lionesses trapped in an abusive relationship. nbsp; nbsp; nbsp; quot;When we first decided to examine attitudes and behaviors toward gender roles among non-humans, we were wholly unprepared for what we would find,quot; said Jennifer Tannen, leader of the UCSD research team,...

A gunman is believed to have taken about 40 people hostage in Amsterdam's tallest building. The people are being held in the lobby of the Rembrandt Tower office block. Police are negotiating with the unidentified man who walked into the building shortly after it opened for business. NOS television said the man was armed with a machine gun. In a statement to the state broadcaster, the man said he is protesting against the quot;manipulation by the seller of broadband televisionquot;. The action could be directed against Philips Electronics, which used to be based in the building until it moved to...

A triple gold medallist who was kicked out of the Winter Olympics for failing a drugs test claims he is being told what to do by aliens. Cross-country skier Johann Muehlegg said the mysterious beings have had a profound effect on his life. "I have seen them," he declared, before insisting he had not taken any drugs. German-born Muehlegg, 31, defected to Spain in 1999 - apparently on the instructions of the aliens. He said: "I was contacted and told what to do by people from the other side. "You might think it's funny but it has paid off. I'm ...