Free Republic

So, now that you know the true meaning of jobs “saved or created” please give the most exalted President Obama (may his name be praised by dung beetles and prairie dogs) a little bit of slack. Those figures that he tosses out with reckless abandon are not simply figments of his supremely glorious imagination (may it continue to thrive and prosper with Mickey, Goofy, Tinkerbelle, and all the other infidels who will suffer the hellfire of eternal damnation). I want you to be a good little worker-bees, and accept the following figures as gospel.

Is it just me, or is Nancy Pelosi starting to look more and more like Marty Feldman? Every time I hear that grating voice it seems as if she has ventured further into the world of cartoon and satire, as if someone hooked Smurfette up to a thorazine drip. Those leviathan eyes grow in size with each passing hour, bugging out two feet in front of her body, like somebody dropped a toaster in the water while Nancy’s thyroid was taking a bath.

I'm all for doctors. To me, there is no more valuable service on this earth than the professional care administered by a qualified practitioner of the medicinal arts. I don't particularly enjoy going to the doctor (they always lecture me about smoking) however I can't think of too many things more comforting than the knowledge that an experienced doc is close at hand should I get a treble hook in my eye, shoot myself in the thigh, or get my foot stuck in mouth. Being from the Missouri Ozarks, I grew up with a lot of "untraditional" home medical practices....

Having worked in, on, and around newspapers for over two decades, I can say with some authority that the vast majority of reporters, editors, and publishers are about as sharp as a pound of wet leather. The general consensus amongst their fraternity is, quite simply, that readers are too addle-brained to know what is good for them. The conventional wisdom within the hallowed swamps of journalism is that your garden variety reader doesn’t know what is important, that they are a wrong-thinking lot who put on their shoes and socks in that order. Journalists, as a rule, feel that the...

BIN LADEN ESCAPES MOON BOMBING! Reacting to internet chatter indicating that mass murderer/terrorist Osama bin Laden was hiding in outer space, the American Department of Homeland Security, in conjunction with NASA, last week began bombing the Moon. This followed Homeland Security’s raising of the lunar terror-alert level to “orange.” “Well, a lot of people think bin Laden is in Pakistan, and have even offered us his home phone number, street address, and Facebook page. However, the president felt that, since bombing Pakistan might achieve measurable results, we should expand our search further afield,” said Isa Brownnose, the assistant to the...

Why Liberals STILL Don't Get It By Ron Marr CNSNews.com Commentary November 05, 2004 In the chic salons of Manhattan and the trendy bistros of Los Angeles they are saying they same thing. "How could Bush have won?" ponder the elitist vanguard of the left-wing status quo. "I don't know a single person who voted for him." On the networks -- 12 hours after the rest of us realized that John Kerry had fallen -- Dan Rather scribbles permutations on colored Post-It notes in an attempt to prove to himself that his chosen man could still take the day.

ELK CITY, Idaho - For those addicted to "Reality" entertainment, the early days of summer bring myriad choices. Though most of these allegedly spontaneous "Reality" shows are scripted to one degree or another - with the participants consisting of failed actors, actresses and models - the genre has nonetheless managed to strike a voyeuristic chord with the American viewing public. You can watch reruns of "Fear Factor," where idiots eat boiled bison testicles, immerse themselves in a vat of worms and endure public ridicule for the chance to win a measly $50,000 (before taxes). You can also watch the latest...