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Uranus is 'responsible' for sea quakes (Funny Title of the Day Award?)
Mail & Guardian Online ^ | 04/01/05 | Ernest Gill |

Posted on 03/31/2005 2:32:37 PM PST by IllumiNaughtyByNature

Uranus may be responsible for recent devastating Asian sea quakes because the mystery-shrouded "planet of calamity" is unusually close to the Earth, tabloid newspaper readers in Germany were warned on Wednesday.


TOPICS:
KEYWORDS: astronomy; callingartbell; moonsofuranus; ringarounduranus; ringoffire; seaquakes; uranus
Under the front-page headline "Uncanny Uranus", the report in theBild newspaper cited an array of experts, ranging from Nasa scientists to TV astrologers, saying the seventh planet from the sun possesses a "quadripolar" magnetic field that acts as "a giant cosmic vacuum cleaner".

This heavenly Hoover is literally sucking the Earth's tectonic plates out of their beddings, according to Bild, Europe's largest daily newspaper with more than five million readers.

This magnetic pull is strongest along the Earth's equator because the tropics are marginally closer to Uranus than the poles are.

The magnetic forces "are strong enough at the equator to suck up electrically charged dust particles", which could, in turn, disturb the Earth's crust and spawn killer sea quakes and resulting tidal waves.

The reason these natural phenomena have increased of late is that the distant planet's orbit has brought Uranus uncomfortably close to Earth.

Instead of being its usual 3,14-billion kilometres from Earth, Uranus currently is a mere 2,59-billion kilometres away.

And it will remain this close through the year 2012, so Bild warns that we could be in for more uncanny Uranian catastrophes well into the next decade until Uranus slowly retreats back into its proper place in the Outer Solar System.

"With its 11 rings and 18 moons, Uranus is in fact different from everything else in our Solar System," said Edward Stone, Voyager project scientist since 1972.

The German paper quoted Stone at length, saying that Voyager 2 had raised almost more questions than it had solved.

Since launch on August 20 1977, Voyager 2's itinerary has taken the spacecraft to Jupiter in July 1979, Saturn in August 1981, then becoming the only spacecraft to visit Uranus and Neptune, in 1986 and 1989 respectively. Both Voyager 2 and its twin, Voyager 1, will eventually leave our solar system and enter interstellar space.

Voyager 2's images of the five largest moons around Uranus revealed complex surfaces indicative of varying geologic pasts. The cameras also detected 10 previously unseen moons. Several instruments studied the ring system, uncovering the fine detail of the previously known rings and two newly detected rings.

Voyager data showed that the planet's rate of rotation is a brisk 17 hours and 14 minutes. The spacecraft also found that uncanny Uranian magnetic field that is both large and unusual.

Because the axis of Uranus is tilted at right angles to all other planets, its rings are at 90 degrees to the planet's orbit about the sun.

But the paper also quoted astrologists who noted that Uranus has always been an oddity. It has been equated with upheavals, calamitous change and general quirkiness since it was discovered and added to the Zodiac in the late 18th Century.

"There's a planetary constellation right now that could be responsible for flooding and earthquakes," astrologer Karin Stahl said ominously.

And Germany's best-known astrologer, Winfried Noe, who recently launched the world's first occult-arts television network, Astro TV, was quoted as saying the phase of natural catastrophes could last a decade or more because it takes that long for Uranus to transit an astrological sign.

"Uranus is currently in the sign of Pisces," Noe told the paper.

"And that is a harbinger of disaster." -- Sapa/DPA

This should be an interesting thread...

1 posted on 03/31/2005 2:32:38 PM PST by IllumiNaughtyByNature
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To: K4Harty

I gotta lay off those burritos.


2 posted on 03/31/2005 2:34:26 PM PST by dfwgator (It's sad that the news media treats Michael Jackson better than our military.)
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To: K4Harty

Only in the bathtub my friend, only in the bathtub.


3 posted on 03/31/2005 2:35:49 PM PST by cripplecreek (I'm apathetic but really don't care.)
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To: K4Harty

"Uranus is 'responsible' for sea quakes"

Only my highly developed sense of propriety and the threat of the suspension of my account constrains me from the myriad responses this statement invites.


4 posted on 03/31/2005 2:36:36 PM PST by Spok
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To: Spok

I hear that but couldn't resist the posting when I saw this.


5 posted on 03/31/2005 2:39:00 PM PST by IllumiNaughtyByNature (If Islam is a religion of peace, they should fire their P.R. guy!)
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To: K4Harty
(Professor Farnsworth has just invented the Smelloscope.)
Farnsworth: You’ll find that every heavenly body has its own particular scent.
Fry: As long as you don’t make me smell ‘Uranus’! Ha! Ha!
Farnsworth: I’m sorry, Fry, but astronomers renamed ‘Uranus’ in 2620 to end that stupid joke once and for all.
Fry: Oh. What’s it called now?
Farnsworth: Urectum.
6 posted on 03/31/2005 2:41:46 PM PST by ikka
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To: K4Harty

I will never live down my love for chili


7 posted on 03/31/2005 2:43:40 PM PST by CzarNicky (The problem with bad ideas is that they seemed like good ideas at the time.)
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To: K4Harty; null and void; sweetliberty; Mo1; grannie9; Lakeshark; nicmarlo; Borax Queen

Let me state my standard denial here: NOT MY FAULT.

That said, those who know me fromelsewhere will say that the real reason, that it truly IS "Darksheare's fault."


8 posted on 03/31/2005 3:01:33 PM PST by Darksheare (She sashayed into my heart, her insurance should cover the damages.)
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To: Darksheare
NOT MY FAULT

With that said, move along. Nothing else to talk about here. LOL

9 posted on 03/31/2005 3:07:27 PM PST by IllumiNaughtyByNature (If Islam is a religion of peace, they should fire their P.R. guy!)
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To: K4Harty

LOL!
I often get asked, jokingly, if flood fire or famine is my doing.


10 posted on 03/31/2005 3:09:26 PM PST by Darksheare (She sashayed into my heart, her insurance should cover the damages.)
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To: Darksheare

note to self. Blame darksheare...got it...LOL


11 posted on 03/31/2005 3:11:28 PM PST by IllumiNaughtyByNature (If Islam is a religion of peace, they should fire their P.R. guy!)
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To: K4Harty
These alimentary jokes will stop, immediately.
12 posted on 03/31/2005 3:16:54 PM PST by LongElegantLegs (I considered getting highlights; but my smugness is easier to maintain.)
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To: LongElegantLegs

Party pooper.


13 posted on 03/31/2005 3:19:17 PM PST by dfwgator (It's sad that the news media treats Michael Jackson better than our military.)
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To: K4Harty

Yup.
Haunted house, possessed appliances, sploding cellphones...
That sort of thing I get blamed for as well.


14 posted on 03/31/2005 3:21:20 PM PST by Darksheare (She sashayed into my heart, her insurance should cover the damages.)
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To: dfwgator
Trying to sneak one in the backdoor?
15 posted on 03/31/2005 3:23:41 PM PST by LongElegantLegs (I considered getting highlights; but my smugness is easier to maintain.)
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To: ikka
Fry: Oh. What’s it called now?
Farnsworth: Urectum.
Fry: Urectum?
Farnsworth: Heck, I darn near killed 'um!

barumm bumm bump!

16 posted on 03/31/2005 11:11:22 PM PST by Khurkris (This tagline is available on CD ROM)
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To: K4Harty

That's what happens when I go swimming in the Pacific after eating chili.


17 posted on 04/01/2005 4:25:47 AM PST by fredhead ("It is a good thing war is so terrible, or we should grow too fond of it." General Robert E. Lee)
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To: LongElegantLegs

LOL! - I loved your homepage explanation for your screenname. My wife is 6' 1/2" and I hear the same story you preach...and see most of my pants/sweats, etc. (I am 6'2") become lounge fodder for her....

Thanks for the early AM laugh.


18 posted on 04/01/2005 8:06:45 AM PST by IllumiNaughtyByNature (If Islam is a religion of peace, they should fire their P.R. guy!)
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To: K4Harty
Why, thank you!

I like to think of my humor as a sort of mental maceration...

19 posted on 04/01/2005 8:43:53 AM PST by LongElegantLegs (I considered getting highlights; but my smugness is easier to maintain.)
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