Posted on 09/28/2012 5:39:51 PM PDT by Morgana
It’s a situation too many parents find themselves in nowadays: they stumble across their child’s web browser history, or walk into his room and catch him in the act - viewing porn.
The great conundrum is: what to do about it? For many parents the next step might be to install some quality blocking software, have a good heart-to-heart talk with their child about sex, and put the family computer in a public place.
But one father has taken a very different approach. After discovering his 13-year-old son’s porn habit while repairing his computer, the Reddit user going by the name of IrrelevantNinja penned a letter telling his son that he “couldn’t be more proud” of him, and suggesting some “safe” porn sites that wouldn’t infect his computer with viruses.
The father then uploaded a rough draft of this letter to the social media site Reddit to get the opinion of other users, before leaving an edited copy on his son’s computer for the boy to find. Porn addiction is becoming increasingly common among young teens, and even pre-teens.
“Listen, I was 13 once too and it wasn’t so long ago that I don’t remember,” the dad wrote to his son. “I’m not mad or anything. It’s life and I did it too.”
“I’m not going to put a child lock on your computer or punish you in any way because as I said you did nothing wrong. … I love you and I couldn’t be more proud of you.”
But in one heartbreaking section of the letter, the dad did suggest his son might want to ease up on the porn habit. “I would like you to not be back here so much though,” he wrote, before concluding, “You literally spend all of your time back here. I’d like to see you more often. I like doing stuff with you and miss it.”
The dad’s letter has since gone viral, sparking an impassioned debate among Reddit users, with many praising the dad for his relaxed approach to porn, and others lambasting his response as irresponsible, and probably illegal.
“Everything in here is cool, and you rock for being a progressive parent,” wrote one user.
“[This] is like telling your son it’s ok to use heroin, just make sure and use a clean syringe,” said another.
“I think the letter is fine, but also think you should have a face to face talk with him, however awkward that may be,” wrote another. “He’s still quite young and impressionable and porn can be quite addicting and give someone an unhealthy view of sex.”
Patrick Trueman of Morality in Media, an expert in the effects of pornography who also runs the Porn Harms website, told LifeSiteNews.com that in his view the father’s response simply amounted to “sexual abuse.”
“Giving a thirteen-year-old pornography is a form of sexual abuse,” he charged. “A child’s brain cannot handle that, and when the authority of the adult is behind the distribution of pornography to the child, the child feels that this is a safe thing to do.”
Rather than sending the boy off to look at more porn, the best response “would involve the parents protecting the child and schooling the child on why pornography is wrong, why it depicts sexual abuse and how that is harmful,” said Trueman, who pointed to the dangers of addiction, as well as the risk that the child might be tempted to “act out” some of what he learns in pornography.
Trueman suggested that, depending on the extent of the problem, the child might require some form of therapy: whether simply some good conversations at home with his parents, or with a professional therapist. At the very least some common sense steps like installing blocking software are called for.
“No good can come from giving a child pornography,” Trueman said.
Another expert has pointed out that, putting aside the effects of porn on the boy, giving a minor links to porn sites is probably illegal.
Hemanshu Nigam, a California attorney and online safety expert, told the Huffington Post, “It is possible for a father like this, as good intentioned as he was, to end up becoming part of the legal system.”
After his letter began to go viral, the dad posted two updates on Reddit. In one he reported that his son had come to him and talked to him in person. “Although it didn’t last for more than five minutes I think it was productive,” he said.
“He thanked me for not getting mad or telling mom. I also talked to him about porn not being like real life and that women aren’t objects like they are portrayed in porn.”
But with controversy over the letter heating up, the dad has since deleted his Reddit account.
I thought I went blind, until I realized my glasses steamed up. Little more revealing than my dad’s ADAM magazine’s I used to sneak.
Thing is when my dad caught me, he did the same sorta thing this dad did. He would leave them out where I could find them. Of course early 60’s porn is mainstream TV these days.
I can see both sides. Yes, we all want to protect our kids from this sort of thing.
But I was also once a teenage boy, (yes, I know its hard to believe), and I too did the same thing...only I hid my dog-eared “Playboys” and “Penthouses” under the mattress.
Boys at that age are what they are, and when those first courses of testosterone start flooding their system...well...you know.
The thing is, don’t condemn either dad or sonny-boy here. I turned out as a very happily successful law-abiding and tax-paying adult. and no doubt so will this kid.
when does morality,good character, decency, respect and dignity for human beings get personal with you?.....
I see foxpro’s point of view. You have to think a lot of parents are worried their kids will turn out gay. The fact the kid was looking at women put dad’s mind to ease that Junior was not wanting to fudge pack.
Did dad handle it correctly? By our standards no. It is clear that this dad finds nothing wrong with porn so there fore he sees nothing wrong with his son watching it. He is more concerned that his son in heterosexual.
You can just bet this story would have had a different ending had dad found out Junior was watching queer porn.
I wouldn’t be proud of him. I would understand the curiosity. At the same time I am surprised dad didn’t find a sheet from his son’s public school talking about masturbation techniques and sites for porn.
Bad parents raise bad future adults
With that said I would not be surprised if the porn site that he visited as www.plannedparenthood.com
That kids father should wipe his drive as punishment.Unfortunately the kids today know more about getting around passwords and such then their parents.So Parents need too keep an eye on what sites their kids are visiting.
God created sex.
It is my opinion that God created sex to show us what it is like to be a creator (children) and what heaven will be like.
Good sex is a keyhole look into the mind of God.
It is a form of worshiping the creator.
Wholesome sex is the physical act of playing out the first few verses of the book of Genesis ever time.
This is what we should be teaching our sons.
And I did. My sons are better men than I, because I told them this.
Better porn sites? I’m not sure there is such a thing. I’m not sure there ever was.
You'll be in for a big surprise if you get there.
"And Jesus answering, said to them: You err, not knowing the Scriptures, nor the power of God. For in the resurrection they shall neither marry nor be married; but shall be as the angels of God in heaven." Matthew 22:29-30
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.