Posted on 02/28/2009 6:38:06 AM PST by andrew roman
From the bottom of my ... well, bottom, I assure you, that even if I was hoodwinked into believing that the Earth was trembling precariously on the brink of calamity due to the excesses and indulgences of human activity, I just couldn't get this green - not in good conscience. And if ever I were forced to do so, you can bet your bottom dollar (pun intended) it's because someone either had a firearm pressed to my temple, I was a prisoner of war, or I was convinced that huge prize money was somehow involved.
What on Earth am I talking about?
Reusable toilet wipes, of course - brought to you by the good folks at Wallypop.net who encourage you to support "a natural lifestyle."
It's the gift that keeps on giving.
Wallypop also offers reusable...
(Excerpt) Read more at romanaround.net ...
How many diseases have been eradicated or controlled by good hygiene? And do these dopes have a companion site called, “Wash Your Hands”?
You can't make this stuff up.
There are two things that are even better than this. The first would be to make toilet paper out of refined hemp, which is almost like silk. The second, and even easier idea is to use a bidet.
Since most American homes would be difficult to rig for a bidet, just using an enema bag with warm water removes that vast majority of the mess, so you need just one piece of toilet paper, not to wipe, but to dry.
In most cases, even a washcloth will do. As peculiar as a bidet sounds to most Americans, it is very easy to get used to, and works better than toilet paper.
Bidets are seen in a lot of upscale American homes. But remember that bidets are not meant just for cleaning your underside after a bowel movement. They are also used by ladies to stay clean at some times of the month, for standing little dirty children in and hosing them off, for washing the feet. You don't really want raw poop in them.
The best and most civilized solution of all: toilet paper, baby wipe, then bidet.
When my mother came down with dementia, she stopped using toilet paper, and switched to washcloths. When I came to visit, I would frequently find a row of used washcloths wadded up and displayed on the edge of the bathtub.
Reusable toilet paper has been around a long time but has gone out of style. Clothe diapers were reusable toilet paper.
Never mind all the complicated stuff. The wonderful people of the middle east solved the problem centuries ago. After squatting over a hole in the floor they use their left hand to clean up. Now that’s real re-cycling. Of course it can get a little akward since the left hand cannot be used for many other things. Theives are punished by having their left hand cut off. It sure cuts down that crime rate.
A bidet is pretty good system, but there isn’t space for one in our bath rooms. Maybe you could remove the commode and put one in. A lot of water would be saved. You could also save energy by running a hose from your solar panels to give yourself the pleasure of a warm air blast.
Paper? We don’ need no stinkin’ paper. We are saving the planet’s virgins! Oops, I meant virgin trees. There went another of my male fantasies.
You greedy and insensitive toilet paper makers had better change with the market. I hear there is a big demand for messiah products developing. Hey, if you keep making soft toilet paper, just put Obama’s picture on each sheet. Liberals could pray toward DC before and after use. Conservatives would use and flush with glee.
Another approach would be the return of the rough and ready days of the corn cobs. I just remembered, those are used to produce ethanol. Never mind.
It’s been fun exploring the possibilities, folks. I gotta run! Those Civilian Security Force guys are breaking down my door. I’ll write again when I escape the gulag...
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