Posted on 03/04/2010 1:10:44 AM PST by American Dream 246
Nicole Coulter's take on last night's appearance by Governor Palin on the Tonight Show:
Things are not well here at HQ. Not well at all, and just in time for our annual upscale retreat. We’ll need to consume a lot of espresso to sort through this growing Palin problem. Sarah Palin killed on Leno last night. She was likeable, friendly, confident and some would even say, “presidential.” She no doubt scored insane TV ratings and in the process made a mockery of Romney’s much-ignored appearance on Letterman. Even Dave’s mom wasn’t watching. This is the kind of epic failure that likely not even a new swing voter focus group can rectify. It’s going to be an uphill battle to try to convince everybody that Mitt is inevitable now.
In fact, word leaked out that none of our painstakingly perfected Palin memes is currently operational in the target groups. Not the hick meme, nor the holy warrior/crafty fox meme, nor our last-ditch “celebrity” option. Senior voters especially just can’t get enough of Sarah. It’s looking so bad we’re considering bringing in the big artillery: Steve Schmidt. If anyone knows how to sink Palin while promoting a doomed RINO, it’s the Bullet.
We don’t often use the word “crap” around here but it seems appropriate now. It’s just getting harder and harder at HQ to maintain a positive outlook. Some of our members are even hallucinating about a successful Mike Bloomberg third-party run in 2012 if Palin secures the GOP nomination. Can you say hello, President Palin? Our Palin panic has reached pathetic levels. Late last night Maureen Dowd stopped by our New York bureau, sobbing and screaming like an escapee from a halfway house. If you want to lose your lunch, it’s seeing that woman all puffy-eyed, slobbering into wadded up tissue. She kept mumbling: “But he was the one. We betrayed Hillary for him. Now it’s all gone to hell. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED? And that woman. She’s EVIL. She’s Alaskan for the love of god!”
I’m telling you people, it’s not a pretty sight here in Know-It-All-ville, and I wish I could say that was the end of it, but we’ve just received some very disturbing news. It’s come to our attention that there are truly frightening discoveries on Sarah Palin’s Twitter account. It’s now clear that we are in deep doo doo – as we say at Hahvahd.
I refer, of course, to the 67 individuals and institutions Palin follows on Twitter and whom we hear she monitors constantly from her Blackberry. I tremble as I write this now it’s so terrifying. She’s following … the entire armed services of the United States of America! Sweet Moses! The military branches are the first entries on her Tweet list: Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines. I’m just not sure I’m strong enough to process this. Sarah Palin is getting daily tweets from the Joint Chiefs, the National Guard, and the Pentagon. Even the Defense Department is on her radar. How is this possible? Couric assured us Palin couldn’t even read.
It’s almost as if Sarah Palin is president now. Like she woke up one day and said to herself, “Hmm, what would a really excellent president need to read daily? Ok, game on.” She gets tweets from the White House.gov, and Downing Street in the UK. She’s reading headlines from the Economist, the Wall Street Journal … and ESPN! She’s perusing the Washington Post, the Drudge Report and Petroleum News. We were not even aware of some of the publications and organizations Palin is following daily. No wonder she didn’t want to name “all of them” to Katie – it would have seemed rude to prattle on for half an hour about something that anyone with access to a computer and Sarah’s Twitter account could have researched on their own. Sarah follows Reason Magazine, the Institute for Energy Research, and The American Enterprise Institute. Someone told us Reason Magazine is for really smart libertarians and that was the final straw. Is it not enough that Palin already has the conservative Christian vote locked up, now she’s solidifying support among social liberals who want a balanced budget? We’re doomed.
Meanwhile, Romney, our best ABP (Anyone but Palin) hope, is following no one. He has an active Twitter account with thousands of followers, but apparently he’s not interested in using the technology to, you know, receive actual tweets. Twenty-first century gadgetry is only for self-promotion if you’re Mitt Romney. He must be too busy uploading videos of his speeches to his rarely visited Facebook page. John Thune, on the other hand, is following 596 random people we’ve never heard of including some guy named “llama boy.” This Thune guy is actually a U.S. Senator, we’re told. Katie Couric is following every CBS employee and leftwing blog hack within five miles of Manhattan or DC. Is that really what you read to “stay informed about the WORLD,” Katie? Shocking.
Palin’s got the military and the libertarians. What have we got? We got nothing people. Nothing.
* Thanks for the chance to visit with you folks this past week. It’s been great! We’ll have to do it again sometime, after our “retreat.”
go Sarah go!
LOL...nicely done.
The Mittster can offer himself as Sarah’s running mate, so he can nudge the left-leaning state of Utah into the Republican column. LOL!
Once Sarah quipped, "If I ever need a bald political consultant again I guess I will have to hire James Carville."
That should have been an early clue to how quick and witty the lady is!
Excellent!!!
I lurve it.
Sarah Palin 2012 !!
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