Posted on 08/05/2015 6:29:55 PM PDT by Reverend Saltine
The deck of the great star ship Enterprise heaved and bucked crazily as it was released from the time storm and dropped out of warp into an alien system.
Captain Kirk was hurled from his command chair by the sudden deceleration but managed to catch himself against a bulkhead covered with blinking emergency lights. He sustained a slight cut to the head which was bleeding onto his uniform shoulder.
“Spock!” he called to the Vulcan who was strapped into his science officer’s seat, “where the hell are we?”
The Vulcan answered calmly. “Unknown at this time, Captain. I am attempting to correlate star charts but the computer is presently offline due to the time storm. I am endeavoring to rectify these conditions.”
“Captain,” Ensign Sulu called out, “I’m picking up electromagnetic radiation from the surface of a planet—- number three. It appears to be a Class “M” civilization, almost Earth-type. There are cities everywhere, sir.”
“Onscreen, Mr. Sulu,” Kirk said, turning to the main viewer.
“Unable to comply, Captain. Ship’s computers are still down.”
Kirk turned to the Vulcan and almost shouted. “Spock!”
“Working, Captain. Unknown how long this will take. I’m attempting to rebuild and reboot.”
Kirk wiped his face with the back of his hand and said, “Ensign Sulu, lay in a course for that third planet, one-half impulse power.
“Aye, Captain.”
Soon the great star ship orbited the planet, whose surface was covered by clouds and dust.
Sulu said, “As you ordered—I have been studying this culture and I have arrived at some obvious conclusions.”
Kirk was almost immediately at Ensign Sulu’s console and said, “What have you got?”
Sulu briefly glanced at Kirk and noted the rushed tension. He said, “This planet is dominated by a media-based, world-propaganda machine under the command of several main, domineering forces—all under a flag of rainbow colors. They appear to worship homosexuals, and people—or “folks”—with dark skins. They appear to be an irrational culture that engages in the strangest, most impractical activities without regard to consequences, and are thereby well on their chosen way—at all costs—to self immolation.”
Kirk straightened and took a step back. “You’ve got to be wrong, Sulu.”
Sulu reddened and his forehead furrowed; he glanced at Kirk and said, “No, Captain; I’m not. And there’s more. Their culture is sub-based on flooding themselves with ruinous, illiterate, criminal elements and paying their way—letting the criminals live for free among the indigeous populace as conquering invaders. They also fight wars for profit. They worship entertainment and the worst pornography, as well as blood and human sacrifice. They sell the body parts of babies, Captain,” Sulu said, and glanced at Kirk.
Kirk shook; he said, “Go on….”
Sulu’s voiuce broke slightly, “All right Captain.” He went on, “They also condone beheadings, demagoguery, the most impractical social and monetary systems. And they make obeissance to something envious, angry, cold, and relentless, called an ‘Obama.'”
Spock suddenly called out, “Wait, Captain—message comming up from the surface. Computers are back online.”
Without looking at the Vulcan, Kirk said, “Belay that, Mr. Spock. I’ve made a decision.”
And then, “Mr Sulu!”
“Aye, sir?”
“Give me all power to phasers and a full spread of photon torpeodoes! Let’s blow this planet to hell, and get out of here.”
“Aye, sir—agreed—the ‘Danger to All Humanity’ directive.”
But, the Vulcan was on his feet now, “Captain—wait, I have the transmission here, it says “E Plebnista.”
Sulu Looked up at Kirk and said, “Ready to fire, Captain.”
Without turning, Kirk said to Spock, “‘E Plebnista’? What the hell does that mean?” and, then, “Ensign Sulu-—FIRE!”
The planet erupted in sheets of radiation, photon detonations, and world-wide flames—it then exploded and vanished as if it were never there.
“Captain,” the Vulcan said, tears running down his face, “I have the translation. ‘E plebnista’—it means ‘We the People….‘”
Sulu had already hit full impulse and cleared the system. But the great ship suddenly vanished from it’s own future. With the destruction of the Earth, 2017, the suns and planets spun out of control.
.
. By rightwingconservativenews.com rightwingconservativenews.com (C) 2015
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Nope. It don't.
Yup it do. Sorry, Episode 52.
If I’m wrong I’ll fix it.
Can you transport the corrected mass?
uhhhh....can you fill me in?
Also, who’s the chick in the 10,000 BC shmata?
You can’t violate the prime directive.
lol
good effort
thank kew :)
yup
we the people :)
No you casn’t
however the “Threat to All Humanity” directive supersedes the Prime Directive
everyone knows that
wow Shat nearly looses it about half way through and has to look down at the papers-—he almost doesn’t recover and nearly chokes
embarrassing to watch....
thet funneh :)
One problem with the story.
When Sulu saw the rainbow flag he would have begged Kirk to transport down, and stay there!
:)
“That which is ours is ours again.”
i had to fight that
i wanted to say something about Kirk telling him to keep his haands off Checkov, but... “Hey, Hey, We’re the Monkeys” kept running though my head, and then the Beach Boys “409,” and then i just lost my train of thought....
But-—you funneh :)
I almost busted out my hernia laffin at that one! :)
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