Suggestions on how to forgive.
First, Prayer... and keep on praying.
Seriously, when forgiveness is too big of a bit to swallow, I recommend that it be divided into smaller bites.
1. Gain understanding about the person who harmed you. Their childhood, their life circumstances....
2. With the increased understanding, have compassion for the person. You know that inside their soul is wounded and they are in pain, oe will be.
3. Now forgive them, and yourself at the same time.
Once I was very angry at m ex wife. I was driving a long distance at night just after having a conversation with her. I remember praying and asking God, “Why can’t I forgive her for all these things she has done?” His voice asked, “Would you like to forgive yourself too?” I answered “YES.” and cried for the next hour of driving. To this day I can’t even remember the things she had done that upset me so much.
Couple of points...
Conditional forgiveness is no forgiveness.
Requiring an action/admission by the person who wronged you does not help the process.
You must own your emotion in order to change/heal it. If you don’t own it, it owns you.
Denial or intellectualization is not healing.
At some point we must ask ourselves, “What is the lesson I am to learn to help my soul grow that God allowed/guided me into this situation?
The last point is that “We usually dislike in others that which we most dislike in ourselves.” Are we really mad at ourselves and projecting it upon someone else?
Hope this helps.... and remember, PRAYER WORKS.
Another thing that helps, especially when it is difficult to LOVE our enemies, is to remember that all souls are created by God and they have the purity of His essence at their core. That goodness is always there.
However, certain human behaviors open us/them up for outside evil influence. This is real. There is evil in this world. But always remember, God is in charge and you will not be tested beyond your strength..(Your strength if you turn to God and ask for help.) In life, your true strength comes through your weakness as if you are full of yourself you have no room for God to work through you.
Always LOVE the child no matter what they do, but dislike their behavior. With my children I helped them to realize that they are not their behavior. However, their behavior is a symptom of what they are feeling at that moment. We must discipline our children out of LOVE for them, not anger as that is the same way Our Father disciplines us.
In years past, I have done spirit/demonic depossession work. The person’s personality changed instantly when the entity left. The purity you see in a young child’s eyes returned to them. However, it is always important to heal the wound that opened the door to evil entering. That is why forgiveness of self is critically important...
Remember how Jesus taught us to pray... Father, Forgive us as we forgive those who have sinned against us.... Receiving forgiveness is conditional upon us giving forgiveness. A closed heart is closed in all directions.