Hello, my name is Tommy Flanagan. Obviously you have never met my wife, Morgan Fairchild, with whom I have had sex I might add. Yeah, that's the ticket!
I've had a hard life. I joined the Army when I was thirteen and went to Vietnam. Yeah, I went to Vietnam and I caught a bullet in my teeth. And they made me a six-star general. Yeah. And then I got a job in journalism, writing for Newsweek. Yeah. I won myself a Pulitzer Prize, while covering the fall of the Soviet Union. It was in Moscow that I met my wife, Morgan Fairchild, whom I have seen naked. Yeah, that's the ticket!