Posted on 02/28/2005 9:44:54 PM PST by hole_n_one
Hollywood's sad Gray day
Sunday, February 27, 2005 - In the afterglow of the Academy Awards ceremony, just a few magical steps from the Kodak Theatre on the ultra-hip intersection of Hollywood Boulevard and Highland Avenue, there will be another historic gathering just before lunchtime Wednesday to induct the latest member of the exclusive Walk of Fame.
Jim Gray, welcome to Tinseltown.
We now ask for a moment of silence. Hollywood, apparently, has run out of stars.
Maybe it's some kind of clerical error. Maybe there's some overlooked character actor from the '30s or an obscure author of cowboy pulp fictions from yesteryear with the same name as this pseudo-sideline sportscaster whose only quasi-claim to fame is irritating the heck out of Pete Rose on national television, this no-trick donkey who was ushered into the spotlight back in the early '80s as a practical joke when then-Los Angeles Rams running back Eric Dickerson burned the local media by using this unknown dweeb as a puppet to announce his trade to Indianapolis, thus launching an otherwise annoying broadcasting career.
Check the date. Is it April 1?
Forget the dangerous precedent of enshrining a person who's only purported talent is sticking a microphone into an athlete's face and pretending to extract pertinent pieces of information for viewers otherwise heading to the restroom. This Jim Gray is about as qualified to have tourists from Dubuque, Iowa, admire his pavement plaque as the stunt elephant from "Operation Dumbo Drop."
In what has to be the most disturbing news out of Hollywood since Gilbert Godfried's Screen Actors Guild membership card was renewed, the Walk of Fame has a lot of explaining to do.
So, just what is the price of fame these days?
According to the Hollywood Chamber of Commerce's Web site, start with $15,000. That's how much a sponsor has to kick in. Who would have picked up the tab for Gray? The first suspect has to be Kobe Bryant, to whom Gray has attached himself in recent years. For Kobe, this is far less expensive than a $4 million diamond ring, and there's not as much personal investment.
But first, and apparently far less important than the 15 grand, there's an application process where the Star Chamber has to be convinced that the pledge has "made significant contributions" in radio, television, motion pictures, recording or live performance. The recipient must also agree to attend the dedication ceremony. Gray does qualify on that last one.
"All nominated artists are carefully and objectively evaluated," the Chamber insists. After their approval, it must also be rubber-stamped by the L.A. City Board of Public Works and the L.A. City Council. Still, of the 200 or so applications received each year, only one-tenth are accepted, the Chamber says. Meaning: The checks don't clear in nine of every 10 applicants.
Another devious ploy to ensure Gray's star is his somehow securing Raiders managing general partner Al Davis, former NFL coach Don Shula and acclaimed softball pitcher Larry King to speak at the ceremony on his behalf. They must have been told it was a Friar's Club roast hosted by Don Rickles.
Rose, who took the 2.5 trillion-to-1 odds against Gray ever getting a star in the first place, wasn't summoned for this, but he can always return the favor by uninviting Gray at his Hall of Fame induction someday.
Representatives at the Hollywood Chamber of Commerce and someone posing as Gray's public relations person did not return e-mail inquiries about this atrocity against entertainment, since some things just can't be explained with a straight face.
There are plenty of qualified sportscasters on the walk. Chick Hearn and Vin Scully. Dick Enberg and, most recently, Al Michaels. Waiting his turn: the Kings' Bob Miller. Yet, across the way from "Ripley's Believe It or Not" Museum, Gray will have terrazzo and brass star No. 2,280, interrupting Johnny Grant's otherwise non-busy day to lift the velvet curtain and expose the next perfect place for some out-of-towner to drop his ice cream cone on an otherwise perfect summer's day.
That will be the first scoop Gray's had in years.
Are ratings out for the Academy Awards yet? I'm curious to see if they held or took a nose-dive...
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