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Click the Picture Upper Class Twit of the Year
Roll Call:
The old standby and quite silly... J. Geils Band: Love Stinks
From the "Haven't accepted it yet" love song department Gin Blossoms: Till I Hear It From You
Who could ask for more: Love and Italian food?Dean Martin: That's Amore
Flirting with a girl in a silly movie...The Beatles: Hide Your Love Away
My personal all-time favorite love song...The Beatles: Julia
Can you play a girl like a guitar? The Beatles: Another Girl
And finally, this is not a love song but a love of life song Louis Armstrong: Wonderful World
Click the Picture Upper Class Twit of the Year
You do start early.
We're like Carville and Matalin, though in our case we both look like human beings, not just her.
Howdy!
Checking in from Kaiserslautern, Germany!
In Japan on Valentines day the girls give the guy chocolate and get nothing in return not even a card.
They have to wait a month for March 14 or White Day for the guys to give them presents.
Whatever were we thinking!!!
Are you sorry for your sins?
Sins? I don't see any sins...
No? What kind of Catholic ARE you?
Catholic? I'm not Catholic, I'm Jewish!
Then why are you telling me?
Father, I'm 92 years old, and I'm telling EVERYBODY!
What do you call someone who can speak two languages?
Bi-Lingual
What do you call someone who can speak three languages?
Tri-Lingual
What do you call someone who only speaks one language?
American!
Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in
the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield , CA , some folks, new to
boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they
couldn't get their brand new 22 foot boat, going. It was very sluggish
in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power they applied. After
about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted into a nearby
marina,
thinking someone there may be able to tell them what was wrong. A
thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working
condition.
The engine ran fine, the out-drive went up and down, and the propeller
was the correct size and pitch.
So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He
came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.
Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer!
Morning people!
FIVE LEVELS OF " HANGOVER"
One Star Hangover (*)
No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function relatively well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 cokes and still feel this way. For some reason, you are craving a steak & fries.
Two Star Hangover (**)
No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but you have the mental capacity of a staple gun.The coffee you are chugging is only increasing your rumbling gut, which
Is still tossing around the fruity pancake from the 3:00 AM Waffle House excursion. There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.
Three Star Hangover (** *)
Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the flavored schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink. Life would be better right now if you were home in your bed watching Lucy reruns. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet Coke--yet you haven't peed once.
Four Star Hangover (****)
Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face. For the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars. Your eyes look like one big red vein, and even your hair hurts. Your a** is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about five sh*ts you take during the day brings water to the eyes of everyone who enters the bathroom.
Five Star Hangover (*****)
You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to remove the remnants of the poop fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to generate spit so your tongue is suffocating you. You don't have the foggiest idea who the h**l the stranger was passed out in your bed this morning. Any attempt to take a dump results in a fire hose like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid with a rare 'Floater' thrown in.
The sole purpose of this 'Floater' seems to be to splash the toilet water all over your a**. Death sounds pretty good about right now...
SOUND AND PICTURE
Mexico Tourism http://www.kerman94.com/mexicotourism.html
Happy Friday, sully!
My love runs by like a day in June,
And he makes no friends of sorrows.
He'll tread his galloping rigadoon
In the pathway or the morrows.
He'll live his days where the sunbeams start
Nor could storm or wind uproot him.
My own dear love, he is all my heart --
And I wish somebody'd shoot him.
-- Dorothy Parker
My own dear love, he is strong and bold
And he cares not what comes after.
His words ring sweet as a chime of gold,
And his eyes are lit with laughter.
He is jubilant as a flag unfurled --
Oh, a girl, she'd not forget him.
My own dear love, he is all my world --
And I wish I'd never met him.
-- Dorothy Parker
The ladies men admire, I've heard,
Would shudder at a wicked word.
Their candle gives a single light;
They'd rather stay at home at night.
They do not keep awake till three,
Nor read erotic poetry.
They never sanction the impure,
Nor recognize an overture.
They shrink from powders and from paints ...
So far, I've had no complaints.
-- Dorothy Parker
Into love and out again,
Thus I went and thus I go.
Spare your voice, and hold your pen:
Well and bitterly I know
All the songs were ever sung,
All the words were ever said;
Could it be, when I was young,
Someone dropped me on my head?
-- Dorothy Parker
My love is like an iron wand
That conks me on the head,
My love is like the valium
That I take before me bed,
My love is like the pint of scotch
That I drink when i be dry;
And I shall love thee still my dear,
Until my wife is wise.
-- Anon.
IOTP