I also don't like how ritualistic showers and weddings have become. You must do everything just so, or else you are not really married, I guess. Even if you've been living with the guy for the last three years, you must have all the little wedding trinkets of accomplishment. Even the coolest, hippest women become robotic slaves of the wedding industry. Their big chance to have it all.
I remember a friend's wedding before the wedding and shower rituals became established. She put all her gifts out on a big table. There were bizarre items. There were ugly items. There were three-of-a-kinds. It was fun. She didn't need the usual china and silver and crystal, and also understood what "gift" meant.
And what is the deal with the endless showers? Lingerie showers, stock the bar showers....WTF? We just got married and called it good. Small service outside with family and a very few friends in attendance. Then food and good cheer.