Posted on 04/23/2008 9:56:59 AM PDT by Lazamataz
I've been trying to cope with life as it is today. It's different than it was, that's for sure.
About July of 2006, I met the woman of my dreams. Intelligent, very pretty, highly sexually-charged, professional, able to understand my offbeat humor, seemingly very compatible with me in every way. Soon after starting to date, we began to plan to marry. Our target date was June of 2007.
Some things began to bother me, however. She seemed to make major changes, quickly. She converted in levels of religious fervor, and seemed to change in core directions, too quickly. I began to see various, if small, lies.
Too, I had my problems. I was beginning to become judgemental about her. I wasn't accepting who she was, but who I wanted her to be. She was judgemental and controlling in return.
I noticed she had a huge low self-esteem, and I also have been cursed with that -- although I am working on myself, diligently. She admitted to me that she had bulimia, but then lied about individual episiodes. There were times she smelled like vomit, but swore she hadn't acted out.
Well, around about October of last year, she hooked up with the father of her child, a 5x convicted felon and currently-active crackhead.
She called me last week because she needed groceries. Apparently, she started using crack with him, picking up this habit at the age of 42. She lost her job. Her car's about to be repossessed. She has no electricity. She's fallen apart. Her skin tone, normally beautiful, is ashen. She looks about 10 years older than she did. Her hair was a mess. She had bruises all over her. She's gained 20-30 lbs, and has a big belly now, and fat legs. She wasn't attractive any more. She just wasn't.
Her house is trashed. There is damage to many of the interior door jams, like someone busted in. There is trash on the floor everywhere. There doesn't appear to be a clean dish in the house. The hallways had empty crack bags in them. The clothes they wore looked unwashed.
Ray had a big bite mark on his arm where she bit to the muscle. She's become an animal -- an animal who bites. She was spiritually vacant. Her eyes had no soul.
She's absolutely not for me. She hates herself. She's incapable of love. She doesn't even give a *** about her daughter. That's the toughest part to see. She says her daughter is a typical rebellious teenager. MAYBE it has a LITTLE to do with the fact that the house is falling into a pit of horror, and her Mom is high on crack, drunk out of her mind, fighting and biting her husband until he bleeds.
She's dangerously insane. I will never consider being with her for a minute. I cannot believe I almost married this nutcase. I need better discernment.
In the interests of full disclosure, I, too, had a cocaine-drug habit until 2005.
It’s weird. I don’t know what to think. A big part of my life has been ripped from me.
I’ve seen this before with people/women.
They have a very rough background, have self destructive behaviors, but are able to appear normal in certain settings.
A good thing comes along, and they’re happy for a short period, but then the old nagging “you’re not good enough” jumps back to the fore, and they unconsciously sabotage this good thing that has come along in their life.
You have to move on, pray for her, and put her in the “God box” to be taken care of.
A friend of mine is compiling a list of “get to know you” questions that he’s having his sons and daughters discuss with any future mate before they get emotionally committed. Sounds like a good strategy, in conjunction with group settings for meeting people.
Whew! Looks like you dodged a bullet. God certainly shielded you from a blood sucker!
I know it has been hard for you, but at least now you can change the picture of her in your own mind.
Laz........
My all-time favorite fortune cookie fortune reads:
“It was all so different before everything changed.”
It seems that she has sunken to even worse levels since I last spoke to you about it.
I am sorry you are dealing with this Laz....HUGS!!!
I am on my third wife. Sometimes you just have to trade up.
Sounds like my house in college! Other than the crack bags.
She’s running for president.......
And I’ll bet she votes democrat.
Smart friend that you have there! My son has done the same with his 5.
got a couple of real winners in grand sons in law.
You sound like you’re a bit judgemental. Some things you just have to let roll off you.
Hey Lazamataz
I don’t think we’ve engaged much in Forum, you and me.
It sounds to me like this girl would be just fine except for the drugs. Her issue is the drugs. You were not to know that when you met her. She had a past, and he included drugs.
Not your fault: she probably cannot be fixed. Move on, and be thankful you found out. You deserve better.
She may fix herself: you can’t do it for her. Time to move on.
Mr B, thanks. I’m so glad you’ve seen this before. Your description so closely matches my experience: She was happy for a while. She did get a case of the “I’m not good enough’s”. She did sabotoge it, only not so subconsciously. It was more conscious.
I am moving on. I deserve better. I’m glad I knew her, for I did love her then, and she showed me that I truly am capable of love.
Sorry to hear about that man. Hang in there.
And like a previous poster said, thank whoever or whatever you give thanks to that you dodged this bullet who would have pulled you down with her.
I won't be with her, in the future. But I'm glad for her.
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