Posted on 12/11/2009 4:41:32 AM PST by Lucky9teen
I’m here and I’ve already pooped today.
Hehe...
Did I actually make the top 25?
No.
Nope I just missed it, darn! :-)
Hey I made the top 50 though! ;-)
How the Grinch Stole Christmas
...Part Duex
2009
EVERY WHO DOWN IN WHOVILLE LIKED CHRISTMAS A LOT,
BUT THE GRINCH, WHO LIVED JUST NORTH OF WHOVILLE, DID NOT.
THE GRINCH HATED CHRISTMAS THE WHOLE CHRISTMAS SEASON
NO ONE KNOWS WHY, NO ONE KNOWS QUITE THE REASON.
IT COULD HAVE BEEN THAT THE GRINCH WAS JEW,
BUT HE WASN’T THE GRINCH SIMPLY HATED EACH WHO.
HE HATED THEM ALL SINCE THEY ALL SEEMED SO HAPPY
AND THE GRINCH’S POOR LIFE WAS COMPARATIVELY CRAPPY.
THE GRINCH WAS AN ATHIEST, GAY, AND A COMMIE
(SOMETHING HE’D LEARNED FROM HIS DAD AND HIS MOMMIE).
HE DIDN’T MIND WINTER SOLSTICE OR KWANZAA
BUT THE “CHRIST” NAME IN CHRISTMAS DROVE THAT GRUMPY GRINCH GONZA.
BECAUSE JESUS TAUGHT LOVE, GOODNESS, MORALS, AND SUCH
THINGS THAT THE GRINCH DIDN’T PRACTICE THAT MUCH.
BUT YOU KNOW THAT OLD GRINCH WAS SO SMOOTH AND SO SLICK
THAT HE THOUGHT UP A PLAN AND HE THOUGHT IT UP QUICK.
THIS YEAR NO SANTA SUIT, NO TASTY ROAST BEAST
NO TRUSTY DOG MAX OR CRASHING THE FEAST
NO MORE BROODING IN SILENCE, NO CINDY LOU WHO
NO…. THIS YEAR THE GRINCH WOULD CALL the ACLU .
SO THE GRINCH GRABBED HIS CELL PHONE, HE GOT ON THE HORN
AND CALLED ON THE MOST VILE LAWYERS E’ER BORN.
ATTORNEYS AMORAL, AGGRESSIVE AND MEAN
WHO WORK IN THE WHOLE “HATE AMERICA” SCENE.
AND YES ALL THESE LAWYERS WERE ALL CLOSET COMMIES
(SOMETHING THEY’D LEARNED FROM THEIR DADDIES AND MOMMIES).
AND THOUGH THEY WERE BAD FROM SHOELACES TO FACES
THEY’D ALL BECOME RICH ON A CONTINGENCY BASIS.
THEN HE CALLED MICHAEL NEWDOW, WHO REALLY HATES GOD
AND SOME MUSLIM LAWYER NAMED TAWFIQ HADAD.
WITH HIS DEVILS IN PLACE AND READY TO SUE
THE GRINCH NOW WAS READY TO SCREW EVERY WHO
ALL THE WINDOWS WERE DARK, QUIET SNOW FILLED THE AIR
ALL THE WHOS WERE ALL DREAMING SWEET DREAMS WITHOUT CARE.
WHEN HE CAME TO THE BRIGHT LIGHTS RIGHT THERE ON THE SQUARE.
THE GRINCH SAID, “THIS BANNER SIMPLY MUST GO
IT SAYS ‘MERRY CHRISTMAS’ IT CLEARLY SAYS SO.
I DON’T BELIEVE IN THIS JESUS CHRIST FELLOW.”
THEN THE ACLU GUYS ALL STARTED TO BELLOW,
“THIS BANNER’S ILLEGAL, INTOLERANT, INTRUSIVE.
THE WHOS MUST REPLACE IT WITH SOMETHING INCLUSIVE.”
SO THE BANNER CAME DOWN AND THE WHOS HAD SOME MEETINGS
AND PUT UP A NEW ONE THAT SAID “SEASONS GREETINGS.”
WITH THE BANNER NOW HISTORY, THE GRINCH STARTED ON
THE SWEET MANGER SCENE ON THE CITY HALL LAWN.
THE ACLU GUYS SAID, “THIS TOO MUST GO.
PUT A KWANZAA DISPLAY UP RIGHT THERE IN THE SNOW!”
MIKE NEWDOW THEN SAID,”WE’VE GOT THESE WHOS OVER BARRELS,
SO IN ALL THE WHOS SCHOOLS WE’LL ELIMINATE CAROLS!
AND WHILE ALL THIS WAS HAPPENING WHAT DID THE WHOS DO?
WHY THEY DID NOTHING BUT CRY BOO-HOO-HOO
WE DON’T HAVE THE MONEY. WE DON’T HAVE THE TIME.
THE COURTS ARE AGAINST US. IT’S SUCH A TOUGH CLIMB.
I GUESS WE’LL JUST LUMP IT. THIS MUST BE OUR FATE.
AND THEY CRIED AND THEY WHINED UNTIL ALL WAS TOO LATE.
THEN THE GRINCH AND THE LAWYERS RAN RAMPANT THROUGH TOWN.
TEARING EVERY REFERENCE TO JESUS CHRIST DOWN.
NOW ITS MANY YEARS LATER AND CHRIST IS ALL GONE
AND THE WHOS ARE ALL WONDERING WHERE DID WE GO WRONG.
OH, SURE, SANTA’S STILL THERE WITH HIS REINDEER AND ELVES
BUT AS THE WHOS SNOOZED THEY LOST PART OF THEMSELVES.
WITH CHRIST GONE FROM CHRISTMAS THE SPIRIT LEFT, TOO
AND LEFT A BIG, GAPING HOLE IN EACH SOUL IN EACH WHO.
AND WHAT OF THE GRINCH, NO, HE, STILL IS UNHAPPY
BUT IT MAKES HIM FEEL BETTER NOW THAT EVERYONE’S CRAPPY.
SO, NOW CHRISTMAS TIME’S JUST A MEM’RY FOR WHOS
WHO LET IT ALL GO TO THE ACLU’S.
by
Steve Mitton
With apologies to Dr. Seuss
www.stevesradio.com
Texting --> Distracted Driver --> Collision --> Air Bag Deployment --> Keypad in sinus cavity
| You Are a Fruitcake! |
 And get ready, you're about to get tossed! |
It needs more (jingling) cowbell!!!
IN!!!
Your picture of Obama as Santa with a GREEN face perfectly expresses just who he is. I’d love to see that on a billboard.
Walkin’ Round in Women’s Underwear
Lacy things — the wife is missin’,
Didn’t ask — her permission,
I’m wearin’ her clothes,
Her silk pantyhose,
Walkin’ ‘round in women’s underwear.
In the store — there’s a teddy,
Little straps — like spaghetti,
It holds me so tight,
Like handcuffs at night,
Walkin’ ‘round in women’s underwear.
In the office there’s a guy named Melvin,
He pretends that I am Murphy Brown.
He’ll say, “Are you ready?” I’ll say,”Whoa, Man!”
“Let’s wait until our wives are out of town!”
Later on, if you wanna,
We can dress — like Madonna,
Put on some eyeshade,
And join the parade,
Walkin’ ‘round in women’s underwear!
Lacy things... missin’,
Didn’t ask... permission,
Wearin’ her clothes,
Her silk pantyhose,
Walkin’ ‘round in women’s underwear,
Walkin’ ‘round in women’s underwear,
Walkin’ ‘round in women’s underwear!
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