Find Him within yourself. That's all He cares about. All the other stuff is superficial, repetitious. Yes, it'd be nice to hang out and be accepted in churches, but some of us were not created to fit in. It hurts, but Jesus heals :-) He's cool that way :-) He's the only One you have to answer to.
Have a verrrry Merry Christmas. Rejoice! The Savior is born!
Thank you. Merry Christmas to you and yours.