Don't know if that was psychoanalysis or projection -- I have a shadowy clown of my own to battle -- but from what you write I concur with the shrinks you've seen and add that you'd have to be nuts or unconscious not to feel substantial rage, sorrow and mistrust. It's in your hard drive now.
I think it helps to use that knowledge as a filter as you go through life, to know that some of your perceptions may be affected by it and make adjustments for it; intellectual overdrive of skewed emotions. But I think you know this. :-)
Merry Christmas to you!
In the great scheme of things, I “got lucky” compared to that poor, tragic soul.
Today, my thoughts will be of her suffering, instead.
I have God and Jesus to love me like I should’ve been loved and I have all of FR for my family.
[and all too frequently, I believe I've "entertained angels, unaware", here]
Suddenly, I feel very blessed, instead.