Yarddog’s response to your question is right on. Having said that, if you are set on using a firearm that shoots shot shells, I would recommend a long gun, not a revolver and preferrably pump action. They are much easier to aim. 12quage or 20guage is preferable for self defense, but .410 is adequate if using the triple ought “000” buckshot as I mentioned.
I’m small and my hands are small... no strength in my hands at all.
As a woman, I want something I can handle comfortably