The first answer assumes she wants to work. Based on the question, it sounds like she wants to stay home...
Anybody who says someone is a great mom until he sees the outcome of her efforts when her children are grown is full of crap.
About Andy's 2-son budget: If your son, or your wife, wants the "college experience” to be part of the equation, then Junior can get a job to pay for the added expense.
Sending either son to college before they have proven themselves in the job market place, and have a clear, calculated goal, is full of crap.
IMHO Dave is full of crap. From experience.
Dave Ramsey Ping.
The Bible's answer to Tanya:
Her predicament of desires vs her role
- "No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon" (Mt 6:24 )
- "No servant can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon" (Lk 16:13)
Her established authorities vs changing masters
- First, The God: "Thou shalt have no other gods before me" (Ex 20:3, the 2nd Commandment).
- Second, her husband: For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: (1Pe 3:5).
- Third, her husband receiving and verifying the counsel of their elder(s)of the assembly, as compared to Scripture: "And he gave some, apostles; and some, prophets; and some, evangelists; and some, pastors and teachers; For the perfecting of the saints, for the work of the ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ: Till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ: That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive; ..." (Eph 4:12-14).
"These (Bereans) were more noble than those in Thessalonica, in that they received the word with all readiness of mind, and searched the scriptures daily, whether those things were so" (Ac 17:11).
Para-church counselors?
- A "Dave" outside the family and/or the local assembly does not seem to be indicated as a valid counselor.
Her God-given sphere of employment
- Her value: "Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies."
- Her subordinate role to and rule by her husband: "The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life."
- Her work location and occupation: "She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands. She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar. She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard. She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms. She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night. She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff. She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet. She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.
- Publicly demonstration of loyalty and subordinated attitude toward The God and her husband only: "Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land."
- Her visible reputation: "She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant. Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness."
- Her recognition: "Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all."
- Her acclamation: "Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised."
- Her rewards from The God and from mankind: "Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates. "
Does Tanya not have a knowledge of The God's will for her? Does she have a naive husband? Has she no church home nor pastor? Has she no example of an upbinging in a home governed by wisdom? Why is she seeking counsel from a man she does not even know?
Dave's correct response to her approach might be to direct her to the counsel of Scriptures, and her husband, and together with their pastor -- not offering his counsel as an alternate. Though he might suggest that she contemplate a family- and home-based business.
********
Dave's answer to Andy:
I’m with you on this one. If you had an extra $40,000 lying around, this wouldn’t be an issue. But if you’re talking about borrowing money just for him to live in a dorm, my answer is a resounding no!
After the old saw that if a hammer is your only tool, every problem begins to look like a nail. Apparently here neither Dave nor Andy are competent enough to see that this is both a cognitive and a spiritual issue, not particularly a financial management one. Dave's qualified answer is only a partial solution; not a firm, final, and conclusive one. Neither does it seek for the causes.
Outside of and separate from funds availability, the young man does not seem to have the cognitive maturity to know that he is at a point in life where: (1) he and he alone must make the decision as to the direction his further life is to follow; (2) whether college/university training is necessary, or even beneficial; and (3) whether he has socially and scholastically been prepared for it. On the other hand, by spiritual discernment he should know: (1) to what effort The God has prepared and called him; (2) that for borrowing from the future by mortgaging the past to consume in the present is not The God's purpose and plan for financing; and that (3) he will successfully escape The God's blessing in this pursuit.
It is a fundamental understanding The God's economy for the material resources that He has permitted us to manage is that: (1) His supply for each of his children is to meet our basic needs; (2) to provide by giving with love to needing fellow saints or/and their ministries as The Holy Ghost directs; (3) if the absence of resources for projected plans are either (a) not to His timing, to His design, or (b) perhaps not to be at all. In any of these cases, lack of resources are not to be overcome by borrowing, because that neutralizes and defies His guidance exercised through presence or absence of supply. The fourth concept is that His projects, conducted in His way and in His timing, with resources supplied by Him at His determinate Will, will give Him Alone the glory.
And in this case, committing some $40K will merely undercut the blooming young man's creativity, resourcefulness, and dependence on God for its progress -- sort of like trying to help a chicken to hatch, or a butterfly to shed its chrysalis. A deformed being results, eh?
Dave's appropriate answer to Andy might well be to recognize that neither he nor the father can make and execute the lad's decisions when it is his time to make his own, with God's counsel, not Dave's. If the father has not recognized his duty to train his child for this moment, it could be a decisive moment to call Andy and his son into a life of accelerated discipleship, as Jesus did for the Twelve (and one could not make it).
From experience, and with respect -- (another uninvited sermonette, I guess)
What a concept!