If i was allowed
I could tell you stories.
You don’t need to be allowed, you could tell me quietly...
Bruce McCall tells of the voyage:
R.M.S. ‘Tyrannic’ - ‘The Biggest Thing In All The World’
We can here but peep at Tyrannic’s labyrinth of Public Rooms. They are 103, not including the Kandahar Verandah Grill. First Class passengers are reminded that all meals, excluding teas, must be ordered three months in advance of sailing. The Maitre d’Hotel will signal conclusion of dinner. Persons without references cannot be considered for the Captain’s Table guest list.
An area equivalent to Hindustan is devoted to food and its preparation aboard Tyrannic. Forty tons of Stilton cheese are consumed on every crossing, as are 214 miles of sausage and melons sufficient to fill the Grand Canyon of Arizona. All excess livestock is thrown overboard on sight of landfall. Steerage is reminded that eating toffee in bed is forbidden.
Gentlemen are requested to refrain from riding ponies through the Steerage after 8:00 P.M. While the Captain emphasizes the rules of proper attire at all times, gentlemen may remove their spats in the Gymnasium. Golfers from the First Class have right-of-way through the Steerage. The Chariot Race in the Grand Ballroom is held on the eve of disembarkation. Off limits to Steerage.
Lifeboat drill is conducted on the first day out at 3:00 P.M. for First Class, and on the last day out at 3:00 A.M. for Second Class and Steerage. One circuit of the Promenade Deck is equivalent to walking from Aix to Paris and return. More ammunition is expended during the skeet shooting on a single voyage than was used in the Crimean War entire. There is a deck of cards in the Steerage Tuck Shop.
The Tyrannic is so safe that she carries no insurance. Among many advances in her design and construction is the pneumatic bulkhead that seals off Steerage from the rest of the ship in case of flooding. Her wireless equipment is powerful enough to reach Brisbane, Australia, from the vicinity of Greenland.
Total length of Tyrannic’s hot water piping in First Class alone is estimated to exceed the distance in nautical miles from Lisbon to Durban.
A Routine voyage uses up six thousand mops, four hundred acres of table linens, and a fifty-gallon drum of Mercurochrome. Kept in the stores are ten miles of shoelaces, one half-ton of flea powder, two hundred caskets, a like number of hummingbirds, and a spare funnel.
The ship’s newspaper, issued daily, enjoys a larger circulation than the Times of Bombay. More musicians are employed aboard Tyrannic than in the entire city of Vienna. The chandelier in the Grand Ballroom weighs more than the Eiffel Tower, and gives off more light than that structure’s host city of Paris.
Steerage passengers who board at Liverpool often fail to reach their quarters before Tyrannic has safely berthed at New York. They are advised to run.