I hope there are no taxpayer dollars involved in this “research” ... But I fear there are.
http://thehardtimes.net/2017/01/03/10708/
January 3, 2017 News
Study Confirms Celebrities Will Die in 2017, Too
Researchers from the University of California, Los Angeles released a startling report this morning stating that, despite public outcry, celebrities will continue to die within the new calendar year.
According to the analytic team, the changing of the year has no bearing on whether or not beloved celebrities will continue to live and breathe. In fact, the passage of time may actually have a negative correlation.
“Our research suggests celebrities will die until the end of humanity… or the end of celebrity, in the unlikely event it comes first,” said study co-author Dr. Sanjay Mahajan...
...Thanks to leading several famous studies, including “Heart Disease Will Kill You Faster than Zika” and “ISIS Really Only Strikes Major Cities; You’re Probably Safe in Billings, Iowa,” Mahajan has made a name for himself by confirming seemingly obvious facts for the American public.
“Most scientists waste their time trying to find cures for disease and ‘suffering.’ I would rather just prove the obvious to people who can’t or won’t accept it,” said Dr. Mahajan.
< /satire >