[sodpoodle]

Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it. This is so true. I love to hear them say "you don't look that old."

------------------------------ --- The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for. ------------------------------ --- Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me! I want people to know why I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.

******************** When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.

------------------------------ - One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young. ~~~~~~~~~~~ Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable. ********* First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up your zipper... it's worse when you forget to pull it down. ```````````````` Two guys, one old, one young, are pushing their carts aroundWal-Mart when they collide. The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going." The young guy says, "That's OK, it's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too... I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate." The old guy says, "Well, maybe I can help you find her... what does she look like?" The young guy says, "Well, she is 27 yrs. old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, is buxom...wearing no bra, long legs, and is wearing short shorts. What does your wife look like?' To which the old guy says, “Doesn’t matter, --- let's look for yours." (ADORABLE)

********************* (And this final one especially for me,) "Lord, keep Your arm around my shoulder and Your hand over my mouth!"

##################

Now, if you feel this doesn't apply to you . . . stick around awhile . . . it will!

[sodpoodle]

I never really liked the terminology “Old People” but this makes me feel better about it. And if you ain’t one, I bet ya you know one! I got this from an “Old Personal friend of mine”!

“OLD PEOPLE” PRIDE

I’m passing this on as I did not want to be the only “old people” receiving it. Actually, it’s not a bad thing to be called, as you will see.

Old People are easy to spot at sporting events; during the playing of the National Anthem. Old People remove their caps, cover their hearts, stand at attention and sing without embarrassment. They know the words and believe in them.

· Old People remember World War II, Pearl Harbor, Guadalcanal, Normandy, and Hitler.. They remember the Atomic Age, the Korean War, The Cold War, the Jet Age and the Moon Landing. They remember the 50 plus Peacekeeping Missions from 1945 to 2005, not to mention Vietnam.

· If you bump into an Old People on the sidewalk he will apologize. If you pass an Old People on the street, he will nod or tip his cap to a lady. Old People trust strangers and are courtly to women and treat them with great respect.

· Old People hold the door for the next person and always, when walking, make certain the lady is on the inside for protection.

· Old People get embarrassed if someone curses in front of women and children and they don’t like any filth or dirty language on TV or in movies.

· Old People have moral courage and personal integrity. They seldom brag unless it’s about their children, grandchildren or their animals.

· It’s the Old People who know our great country is protected, not by crooked greedy politicians who only care about themselves, but by the young men and women in the military serving their country.

This country needs Old People with their work ethic, sense of responsibility, pride in their country, and decent values.

We need them now more than ever.

Thank God for Old People....

Pass this on to all of the “Old People” you know. I was taught to respect my elders. It’s just getting harder to find them.

[stylin19a]

old people

-never pass up a bathroom
-never trust a fart
-never waste an erection

---

80 year old wife is feeling amorous.
Calls down to her 80 year old husband:
“Climb up these stairs and make mad passionate love to me”
Husband: “I can do one or the other...”

[COBOL2Java]

"When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did – in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car."
- Bob Monkhouse

[COBOL2Java]

Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely, in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting “Holy s**t, what a ride!”
~ Mavis Leyrer.

[2nd amendment mama]

Thanks, made me giggle this am. LOL

[mountn man]

As I make my way to becoming an old people, words I try to live by:

Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional.

When I make it to my 30’s, I want to have the same humor and zest for life I have today.

[MosesKnows]

stop lying about your age and start bragging about it

Views on Aging

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than ten years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.

"How old are you?" "I'm four and a half." You're never 36 and a half ...you're four and a half going on 5.

You get into your teens; now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number. "How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16." You could be 12, but you're gonna be 16. Eventually.

Then the great day of your life; you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony. You BECOME 21...Yes!

Then you turn 30. What happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk. He TURNED; we had to throw him out. What's wrong? What changed? You BECOME 21; you TURN 30.

Then you're PUSHING 40...stay over there. You REACH 50.

You BECOME 21; you TURN 30; you're PUSHING 40; you REACH 50; then you MAKE IT to 60.

By then you've built up so much speed, you HIT 70. After that, it's a day-by-day thing. You HIT Wednesday...

You get into your 80's; you HIT lunch, you HIT 4:30. My Grandmother won't even buy green bananas. "Well, it's an investment, you know, and maybe a bad one."

In addition, it doesn't end there....

Into the 90's, you start going backwards. "I was JUST 92."

Then a strange thing happens; if you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. "I'm 100 and a half."

Happy aging!

[musicman]

Rodney Dangerfield:

“I went to my doctor, you know my doctor, Dr Vinnie Boombatz.

He says to me: ‘Rodney, it looks like I’m going to have to run some tests. I’m gonna need a blood sample, a urine sample, and a stool sample.’

So I gave him my underwear......”

[musicman]

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[MosesKnows]

Now, if you feel this doesn't apply to you . . . stick around awhile . . . it will!

Prescription For A Laugh

Just a line to say I'm living
That I'm not among the dead
Though I'm getting more forgetful
And more mixed up in the head.

For sometimes I can't remember
When I stand at the foot of the stairs
If I must go up for something,
or I've just come down from there.

Standing before the fridge so often
My poor mind is filled with doubt
Have I just put food away, or
have I come to take some out.

There are times when it's dark out,
with my night cap on my head,
I don't know if I'm retiring
Or just getting out of bed.

So, if it's my turn to write you
There's no need in getting sore
I may think I've written
And I don't want to be a bore.

So remember, I do love you
And I wish that you were here,
but now it's nearly mail time,
so I must say good-bye dear.

There I stood besides the mailbox,
with face so very red.
Instead of mailing you the letter,
I opened it instead.

[PoloSec]

“I’ve traveled a long way and some of the roads weren’t paved.”

That one struck home, I would add some roads that are now paved are the ones behind me; I paved those roads myself.

[DNME]

Alfred Hitchcock was asked how it felt to turn 80.

“It beats the alternative,” he said.

[Trillian]

[aquila48]

Bookmark

[N. Theknow]

Wanted: Washer and dryer for old people to make them come out clean, wrinkle-free and two sizes smaller.

[kosciusko51]

The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

Yep.

When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.

And? I enjoyed Algebra.

[Billthedrill]

I sort of like getting old, myself. I can do things I never could before. Like driving at 50 in the passing lane while the other drivers are waving "You're Number One" at me from the other ones. Using the word "whippersnapper" in conversation - nobody knows what the word means but they know what I mean and that's good enough. Telling my young friends what "dialing" a telephone was and what "flip side" means. Using P.J. O'Rourke's phrase, "The good Roosevelt, you know, the one who shot the bears?" in conversation to a certain liberal relative. Telling my nephews I knew Christopher Columbus the sailor personally (I did, but we were both in the Navy at the time). Or explaining that I was born during the Truman administration, you know, the guy who was the artillery captain in World War I?

I still get no respect. I was carded for beer the other day and said "Thank you!" so loudly the rest of the line laughed.