I’m sorry to hear about your mom. I’ll pray for you and your mom.
Both my mom and mom-in-law passed in 2015.
For my mom, over her last couple of years, she had dementia plus she fell a lot. Each fall and injury left her weaker. Plus, I think the dementia zapped her will to continue. Then she just stopped eating, and it wasn’t long before she went. She did not have issues with stroke. Her biggest problem was her desire to stand up and walk. She didn’t have the strength or balance to do that, and she’d fall. The dementia robbed her of that knowledge. Like the doc said, “With the dementia, she doesn’t know any better. She’s gonna stand up, and she’s gonna fall.”.
Mu mother-in-law was sharp until she had a stroke followed by several seizures over the course of as many months. Weak and off balance while walking, she also fell twice...once while being escorted by a helper, and once when she snuck out of bed to go potty. The first fall led to a broken hip which, luckily, was easy to fix. The second fall, she hit her head on a steel wall heat register. She died two days later.
The one thing that was absolutely critical fort both mom’s was the use of chair and bed alarms. It’s against the law to use restraints to keep patients held firmly, and SAFELY, in place. So you rely on the CNAs or hired help to watch out for them. I pushed hard for bed and chair alarms in both of mom’s skilled nursing facilities. I was a real butt about it if the facility got slack. And they will get slack. Batteries die in the portable units; hard-wired units are left unplugged at the wall; another CNA “borrows” a unit; CNAs don’t respond quickly...the alarm just blasts away. You have to stay on top of it. The last facility mom was at was a great place...glad we found it. They were very good at keeping up with the “escapees”.
My wife and her family, on the other hand, just didn’t want to admit their mom was going downhill fast. I made suggestions, even pushed some, but I was told upfront that “they” would be handling it. They still saw their mom as a vibrant, fully recoverable person, and the “next” rehab would bring her back to normal. Unfortunately, mom-in-law also liked to get up when no one was looking. I brought the alarm system up a number of times, but I’d get shut down. They’d hired 3 sitters to provide 24 hour care, so they felt like they had every contingency licked. Well, at shift change one morning, both sitters were in the kitchen and unaware when gramma got up and fell. Cue the 911 call.
Sorry for the long-winded story. If your mom is at risk of standing and falling...BUY A COMBO BED & CHAIR ALARM.
I appreciate your story so much. The psychology of people not willing to “re-categorize” a beloved, brilliant mom or dad as now a helpless large child who needs protection even if they still sound like they are competent is interesting. A LOT of people don’t want to believe it.
Maybe it was easier for me to switch my perception to they are large preschoolers because I did have a baby and preschooler through their decline.
I agree about the bed and chair alarms, except for the fact that I need to take 6-7 hours off at night and sleep. I will get sick if I don’t get minimum sleep. So when it comes time for night alarms it may come time for nighttime caregiver or even a memory unit. She’s still at home with me now,
We will see how she will change post stroke.