You said infant, not child.
There’s a difference and if you or your kids don’t see that then nobody can help you.
As far as having raised them “successfully”, that remains to be seen.
It's not clear to me what your point is here. If it means being aware of the progressive stages of development of a child. When I said "babe," or "infant." I meant what I said. "Child" is the more general term covering all the developmental stages. In another sense it refers to the relationship. My youngest child is now age fifty-six, but she is not childish in deportment.
So, what are you getting at? If you think that I mean that it is important to start training the child as a newborn babe as to whether he/she or the caretaker is setting priorities, you would be absolutely correct.
If you haven't learned this from theory and/or experience as valid, then you will have simply hosted free-range juveniles, not "raised" them. If your children are as independent, demanding, and self-serving as those you described, then it's you that brought it about through a false representation as to "how to meet their needs." (But I hope this is not really the case.)
Even a gardener likes to have his vegetables or flowers learn to keep their places through cultivation. Otherwise he only has well-born uncontrolled weeds from good seeds.
As far as having raised them “successfully”, that remains to be seen.
It doesn't "remain to be seen." The method has been proven by results in my grandchildren, some of whom are now in their mid-twenties. In them I see both the method you choose and the one I have described. The difference is starkly clear, especially in which familial environments allegiance to the Lord thrives and where it does not.
If you wish to have some details, we can do that privately, not here. I don't think you read through what I already wrote. Apparently you've got yourself so worked up that you miss the points. I'm 80, raised my own 4 children, and have observed what they have done with theirs, all 19 of them. And my experience and education is broad enough to have observed and analyzed the history of many other families.
I can assure you that the plan I described really works, despite the irrational exaggerations you've characterized my discussion with. I see that what I wrote contradicted your beliefs so firmly that you've gone ballistic. Reading through what you've written, it seems clear that you are so entrapped by misplaced compassion and distorted caricaturization that your position is ludicrous, not real.
Your reaction surprises me.