I have heard of a Newton-meter, but what is a Newton Minow?
For those of us who are not of a certain age, Newton Minow is a former chairman of the FCC who made a speech in 1961 that described American television as being a vast wasteland.
“what is a Newton Minow?”
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What? You’ve never tasted Newton Minnow (correct spelling)? It’s an old Freeper delicacy.
First, you need to buy 4 boxes of Fig Newtons. Then go to your local bait shop and purchase a bucket of minnows.
Empty the boxes of Fig Newtons into the minnow bucket, stirring the mixture counter-clockwise with a wooden spoon for 5 minutes.
Put it in a closet that has an overhead light - turn on the light and close the closet door.
Leave the closet undisturbed for 4 days and 6 hours (4 days and 4 hours if it’s raining).
Invite friends and family to your place. In the dining room, pass out large metal spoons so that everyone has one.
Go to the closet and after turning the light on & off 7 times, get the bucket of Newton Minnow, put it the middle of the dining room and recite the traditional Icelandic language invitation for your guests to dig in: “Fraw gi plukyer mahggik-twwangher”.
Finally, just bask your guests praises of your culinary expertise.
Enjoy!