And then there were four. Two teams advance to the Superbowl, whilst the others suffer the agony of defeat.
I'm very excited as I've lined up interviews with all four Championship Game head coaches! First up is is Jags coach Doug Marrone. Coach Marrone, welcome and thanks for stopping by!
"It's great to be here, Imp."
Pittsburgh Stoolers Coach Omar Epps!?!?! What are you doing here? Where's Doug Marrone?
"'Marrone means 'brown' in Italian. My skin is brown, I pretend to speak Italian to chicks all the time, I don't see what your issue is."
My issue is that your team lost, sir. We were gonna interview the winners today. Did you....do something to Coach Marrone?
"I can't tell you that it's confidential, anyway how's your sex life?"
"Well, I'm a two-dimensional internet meme, so we've had some issues."
Uh ah hey! That's none of his damn business!!! Alright Omar since I've got you here, why don't you tell me what was up with the stupid onside kick! You had 2 timeouts and the 2-minute warning!
“If I err, I’m always going to err on the side of action in an effort to win. My guys know that about me. I think more importantly them knowing that about me, they expect that from me. I don’t fear failure. I’m going to do what’s required to pursue victory, even if it comes across as unconventional. I’m certainly not going to steer away from decision-making for fear of ridicule. Those guys put a lot on the line when we step into stadiums to play. I, in turn, am responsible for putting a lot on the line and embrace doing so. I understand when things don’t work out and the criticism that’s associated with it. I embrace that. But I go to work with men every day that lay a lot on the line when they step in stadiums as well. I’m just going to provide the same efforts that they provide me.”
Excuse me, did you just repeat the nonsense answer you gave to ESPN?
"I sure did!! Ok ok you want to know the truth? The thing is I'm so smug and arrogant that I give off fumes, and I got high off of em, ok? I was outta my mind, high on my own supply! You happy now, White boy? Pleased with yourself for taking the Black coach down a peg?"
Woah! Where's this hostility coming from, Omar? I actually think you're a fine coach but this was a foolish call is all I'm saying.
"I'm tired of all yall armchair quarterbacks second guessing me. And if I hear one more cracka say 'Dilly Dilly' I swear to God, I'm gonna lose it!"
"Preach it! My proud brutha!"
"Go play in traffic, boy! Ain't nobody here talkin to you!"
"But I was just..."
"You was just about to shut your mouth before I shut it for your 
."
"Yarr, beat it Colon, you promisied to stop interrupting. Imelda, take the lad home, it's past his bedtime."
"But it's morning! Besides, I'm a grown man!"
"Could have fooled me."
"Come on Colon, I'll braid your hair. Before you ask though, no, this doesn't mean I'm your mommy now."
Well, I may as well continue interviewing the losing coaches from last week, I was lying anyway, I couldn't get Belichick. Saints Coach Sean Payton, come on down!
Yeah, that was a tough way to go out. So, are you guys gonna re-sign Brees or what? Does he have another couple years in him?
Uh Coach? Are you ok?
"Ahhhh looks Coach Payton has a touch of that flu that's going around, feel better buddy. Tennessee's Mike Mularkey and Altana's Dan Quinn are here. How's it going, gentleman?"
"Who are we? Why are we here?"
Uh....good point, I don't have anything to say to you guys anyhow.
"Yarr, are we done for the day then? It's time for my mid-morning Pink Squirrel. 
"Dilly Dilly!!"
"Don't say I didn't warn your !"
"What's this foul red liquid coming forth from mine chest cavity? This isn't Bud Light®, I'm not supposed to promote other drinks......"
"Oh my God, he's dead!!! Lady M can't you do something for him?"
"Sure, very easily."
"Well then?"
"Hmm? Oh I'm not gonna do it though. I'm also tired of hearing 'Dilly Dilly'."
"Pardon me, I thought I heard someone mention feet eariler. I like feet. Do you guys want to talk about feet?"
"You better use them feet of yours to run the hell away before pop a cap in that obsese cracka hiney! Ask Mr. Dilly if I'm bluffin'."
"Mr. Dilly, is he bluffing? Mr Dilly? Mr. Dilly? What's that red stuff on his...oh, well cya!"
Trolls need food to live, let them starve