Move to Peru, or Peten, Guaemala. Remove all digital, electronic, video games, take up farming, homeschool, a lot of books, remove all medications, watch the stars at night. Sing, put on soft music, and talk. Play table games, and tell him about your grandfather. Do this for 3 months. Avoid TV. And let him learn a new language. Having animals around help.
Seek professional help. Therapy and/or medicine can do wonders. Don’t wait!
Prayers for your family.
Get professional Medical help immediately.
L
I would try meds ahead of hospitalization, and agree with the others re: getting them unplugged and engaged.
A job can work wonders for someone like that too, if they can handle it.
Does the mom stay at home (at least when the child is home from school) or does she work?
I also echo no TV, video games, monitored internet. I’ll say the that he should get outside and play some sports - at least first individual sports, then team sports if his behavior doesn’t preclude that.
Perhaps moving to a different location will push the reset button on your whole family dynamic.
Find an interest, or outlet, ASAP! WHATEVER that may be...
If he is engaged in something he enjoys, he will be less likely to exhibit behavioral issues.
I was a troubled teen, not quite as bad as you have described. But still, close enough.
Scouts, Church activities, and video games occupied the bulk of my time from 13 to 16, until the worst was past. You may have to consider him living away from you for a time; another family member, a boarding school, etc.
Please, institutionalization and psychotropic meds should be your very last resort! Love him, and don’t give up on him! My parents were at their limits too, but now I’m a reasonably well adjusted, productive adult.
You just gotta keep him alive until he matures some.
I’ll be praying for you.
Or get him/her to Mclean Hospital in Belmont,MA (suburban Boston)...the finest psychiatric hospital in the world.
Pray,
Get qualified psychiatric help, preferably from your church.
Remove all electronic devices from his routine.
Coordinate w his school, make sure they are aware, and keep him home if possible.
(supervised!)
Ensure he is taking prescribed meds and monitor behavior closely.
Try positive distractions and activities.
Pray!
Is this your biological child? Is the child male? Did you just move and did the child have similar issues before the move?
I am a borderline bipolar/manic-depressive in a genetic line, with a parent, sibling and child profoundly affected.
Going off caffeine in any form, especially chocolate, has had a very helpful effect to stabilize me.
It took longer than just the few days it takes to initially titrate off caffeine.
It took about 4 months to realize the complete effect.
Other things on the list are:
* Exercise, regular
* Light, circadian rhythms
* Behavioral therapy
* Family support group
Distinguish between baseline, drug-free +/- mood movement (sine wave?), non-psychotic hypomania, and mania with psychotic features.
Study the effect of adolescent hormones on the young person, were there any signs of the condition’s latency in childhood, what parent markers were there, what was the adult prognosis?
My adult child has a hormonal condition, polycystic ovarian syndrome that profoundly affects her condition.
Overuse of caffeine at a challenging job she could have acclimated to, actually resulted in her losing a promising career, because she slipped out of normal borderline +/- moodswings, into actual hypomania, with fast talking, delusions of grandeur and, one other thing.
Heightened creativity, unique point of view, stream of consciousness, other perceptual-cognitive features of hypomania, are issues that the patient may actually like, favor, crave.
This was discovered when the inventor of Gatoraide, Dr. Robert Cade, developed schizophrenic therapeutic kidney dialysis, initially reported to have 40% treatment success.
Numbers of positively affected schizophrenics declined to continue the therapy. They liked being the way they were. Like deaf or blind people who have children, because they enjoy the company of other, similarly disabled people.
“The camel eats thorns because it likes the taste of its own blood.” - Arabic proverb
Look at the Mary Ellen Copeland: Wellness Recovery Action Plan, a kind of “living will” that’s useful all through life. One of the books targets Mania with Psychotic Features.
Hospitalization can be very expensive, depending on what insurance you have, but it has the advantage of putting the child in a safe, supervised environment. Medication might help. However, without a real diagnosis, a prescription is often just, “Let’s try this and see what happens!”
Symptoms can be the result of environmental factors, especially sleep deprivation. When my daughter was hospitalized, at 15, for depression, we found that the main problem, aside from “being a teenaged girl,” was lack of sleep due to tv/computer/phone use.
Get the child on magnesium glycinate. I promise it works. Low mag makes you nuts and depressed.
Check diet and mineral deficiencies.
Heavenly Father, We praise Your Holy Name. You have special plans for this young man. . . .he was created on purpose for Your purpose. We pray for Your miraculous healing in the Name of Jesus. Guide this family in their decisions. Please give them hope, a sense of peace and comfort in everything giving You the Glory. In Jesus Name, Amen
I was that type of kid, to some extent, growing up. My 16 year old son is a joy.
If I compare and contrast:
My parents were way over controlling. I try to pick battles and let him make choices with as little guidance as possible.
I was not allowed to do sports or organized outside activities growing up. My son does three varsity sports plus club hockey and Is an Eagle Scout.
I seldom went outside or enjoyed reflective time. He does Scouts.
I was discouraged from bonding experiences with friends; he is encouraged to go to and host sleepovers and camping trips.
I was a TV watching couch potato. He seldom has the opportunity to watch or play games.
Etc.
You may have a child that has developmental difficulties, chemical imbalance, etc. I would see a doctor very soon.
But you may want to look internally as well. Get him in Scouts and sports. Keep him busy outside the home. Wear him out physically. Treat him with respect at all times.
There are a couple books that I’ve lived by:
How to raise the best toddler on the block
How to raise the happiest teenager on the block
They have been very helpful. A Godsend actually. Get them both because they are life lessons.
Do you have a trusted pastor?...church?
What kind of advice are you receiving?
If this is a fairly recent developing condition, it may be the brain’s response to one of the many strep viruses. A friend’s son had a very sudden mental-state change that mystified them and all doctors. Previously, the young boy was very well behaved, and quite intelligent. He began to lash out at sibling and school mates, and even at parents and teachers. He would threaten to kill them, and would rage uncontroably. The standard response from doctors was drugs normally prescribed to over-active kids. My friend was not settling for doping her son up. She read and learned about the myths of the brain/blood barrier, and recent discoveries of strep viruses, and how they can stay resident in the child’s brain, causing what normally would have been diagnosed as psychiatric condition. She strongly urged he doctor to do blood panels and tests, specifically screening for strep viruses, but not isolated to that alone. The doctor complied, and they discovered two things. The strep virus was still present from a previous flu. The boy was also found to have PANDA/PANS, which somehow predisposed him to reacting to strep viruses in a behavioral way. I will prompt my friend, and find out more.
I think one of the unsaid, not voiced concerns that 12-13 year olds go through - and it can get very foreboding, is it is that they cannot envision any future - where would he/she, what would they be doing, would they be with someone; nothing can be seen, felt, or imagined and it is scary, and makes it all seem hopeless.
The facts are that no one at 12-13 can see where they fit into some future - we are still a work in progress, and we have not had the opportunities we need to become really engaged in the world. The brooding is an obsession that we have to figure it all out, or at least see it, and most 12-13 year olds will dismiss it, the brooding, sensing (correctly) they’ll have to wait some years to see it. The child trapped in that concern can’t let it go.
ENGAGEMENT, ENGAGEMENT, ENGAGEMENT
Too much time with not enough that they need to give external focus too; too little time engaged - face-to-face time - with others in either family leisure, work, church, church-youth-group, scouting, volunteer work, ect., ect..
They need to get “outside” of their head.
It begins as a simple brooding. If not arrested it becomes more than a simple brooding; which it seems to have become in your kid’s case.
If it’s at all possible, for more than a week or two, if you and the kid could get away together. Or, if any church, church related, professional could get the kid to join their youth group; anything that requires personal engagement.
I am no expert, and every case as its own basis, so I could easily be off base in your case.
Our prayers to you and your family.
Hospitalization will give the professionals the best opportunity to try different meds and monitor the results- so why not!
If your child is stable enough I suggest you get a complete thorough neuropsych eval - kind of like mapping the brain to find out where are the problems
Mental illness is tough. The invisible disability. But im sure they can get his brain chemistry stabilized once they find the right meds- then work on a diagnosis which can involve multiple things
Best advice for teens...
Find a healthy values peer group that he can join, be validated and find a group identity as a stepping stone to a healthy self identity.
Teenage consciousness is tumultuous as they are being forced by their environment to let go of parental dependency(thus causing the depression) and are transitioning to find a healthy sense of self.
Healthy peer groups are an excellent stepping stone between dependency identity and self identity. Healthy validation reinforces the transition.
I am so sorry for what your family is going through. I have walked that road. Emotional disorders are really tough on everybody involved. I agree with all the comments regarding limiting social media, tv and gaming. Get the best psychiatric help you can find. Make sure you know what your child is posting and share anything alarming with your child’s therapist. Watch out for your child cutting. I understand that current trend is for kids to do that on their legs where it can be hidden. Depending on diagnosis the treatment may depend on talk therapy from a clinical psychologist and pharmacutical. I agree with comment about ssri may be helpful but do your research on that. Lots of data coming out about how dangerous they can be for young people.
Probably one of the most important thing you and your spouse can do is get support team in place for you. That may need to be a therapist to help you to process what your family is going through. Give yourself a lot of love and do not blame yourself. Be very kind to yourself and to your spouse. Learn mindfulness.
I am praying for your family.