Chuck Norris doesn’t sleep - he waits.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity…twice.
After a night of partying, Chuck Norris doesn’t throw up, he throws down.
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
Chuck Norris chases sharks when he smells them bleed.
God can walk on water, Chuck can swim through land.
Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe, he holds air hostage.
Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris grinds coffee with his teeth and boils water with his own rage.
Chuck Norris doesn’t write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
Chuck Norris donates blood to the red cross, just not his own.
Chuck Norris can squeeze orange juice out of a lemon.
When Chuck Norris plays monopoly, it affects the actual world economy.
When Chuck Norris does a push up, he doesn’t push himself up, he pushes the world down.
When Chuck Norris crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways.
Chuck Norris once had a boomerang. It was way too scared to come back.
There will never be a zombie apocalypse, because when Chuck Norris bites zombies, they turn back into humans.
Chuck Norris doesn’t celebrate the 4th of July. The 4th of July celebrates Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.