Marriage Proposals Are Stupid

The marriage proposal is one of the most ritualized moments in modern American life. Growing up, many girls are instilled with a specific idea of how it should go: He’ll take us somewhere romantic—we’ll have no idea what’s happening—he’ll get down on one knee—we’ll start crying—he’ll pop the question—we’ll immediately say yes. It should be magical.

But for a lot of heterosexual couples, the proposal—as movies portray it, as many millennial women have internalized it—doesn’t reflect the kind of modern, egalitarian relationships many women want today. Whom to marry is among the most important decisions most people will ever make in their lives, and yet it’s not a choice made in the course of a conversation—the normal way two grown humans make big life decisions. Instead, it has to be a show, with a prefixed grand finale: “yes.”

(When I proposed to my boyfriend, we had already talked beforehand. The proposal was lovely, but I still wonder if it was really necessary.)

I wonder if they actually make it to the alter (or courthouse) will she go the way of another gender studies teacher that accused her husband of sexually assaulting her every time they had sex? Or will she discover her lesbianism a year into her marriage and then take him for everything he's got? After all, marriage is just a piece of paper and meaningless to crazy people like her. I hope her boyfriend runs before it's too late.

My nephew was engaged and married a couple of years ago and according to my brother the would be bride wanted to be proposed to in the new cool way. Both sets of parents and siblings present and their closest friends. My brother was put off by it all but went. I told him, this is between him and her, not the world. They are happily married though.

I met my wife in June, she walked into church and sat down in the pew in front of me. I proposed to her at the lake on a moon lite night, with just me and her present that September, we married in November and have been happy for the past twenty-five years. Although during the courtship at one point I asked her a question about doing something with me, it was not any big deal I thought, nothing sexual and she popped out, will you marry me first? I didn’t bat an eye and said, sure. She was busy for the next twenty minutes, embarrassed and babbling incoherently that she was sorry, she didn’t mean to do that. I said to her, I said yes, let it go. A month later I did the lake proposal.

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