Skip to comments.Sunday Smiles
Posted on 06/03/2018 3:20:47 AM PDT by sodpoodle
KIDS IN CHURCH
3-year-old Reese : 'Our Father, Who does art in heaven, Harold is His name. Amen.' ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~
A little boy was overheard praying: 'Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am.' ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~
After the christening of his baby brother in church, Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied, 'That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I wanted to stay with you guys.' ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One particular four-year-old prayed, 'And forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets.' ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~
A Sunday school teacher asked her children as they were on the way to church service, 'And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?' One bright little girl replied, 'Because people are sleeping.' ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~
A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3 The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.. 'If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, 'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.' Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, ' Ryan , you be Jesus !' ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~
A father was at the beach with his children when the four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore where a seagull lay dead in the sand.. 'Daddy, what happened to him?' the son asked. 'He died and went to Heaven,' the Dad replied. The boy thought a moment and then said, 'Did God throw him back down?' ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~
A wife invited some people to dinner.. At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, 'Would you like to say the blessing?' 'I wouldn't know what to say,' the girl replied. 'Just say what you hear Mommy say,' the wife answered. The daughter bowed her head and said, 'Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?' ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~
Peace, love and happiness
Then you get old - very quickly!!!!
I very quietly confided to my best friend that I was having an affair.
He turned to me and asked, “Are you having it catered?”
And that, my friend, is the sad definition of “OLD”.
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to
the very elderly widow and asked,
“How old was your husband?”
“98,” she replied: “Two years older than me”
“So you’re 96,” the undertaker commented.
She responded, “Hardly worth going home, is it?”
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
“And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?”
the reporter asked.
She simply replied, “No peer pressure.”
I’ve sure gotten old!
I have outlived my feet and my teeth,
I’ve had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
New knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes I’m half blind,
Can’t hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
Take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation;
Hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can’t remember if I’m 85 or 92.
Have lost all my friends. But, thank God,
I still have my driver’s license.
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape,
So I got my doctor’s permission to join a fitness club
and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired
for an hour. But,
By the time I got my leotards on,
The class was over.
An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her
preacher she had two final requests.
First, she wanted to be cremated, and second,
She wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart.
“Wal-Mart?” the preacher exclaimed.
“Then I’ll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week.”
My memory’s not as sharp as it used to be..
Also, my memory’s not as sharp as it used to be.
Know how to prevent sagging?
Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
It’s scary when you start making the same noises
As your coffee maker.
These days about half the stuff
In my shopping cart says,
‘For fast relief.’
THE SENILITY PRAYER:
Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
The good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
The eyesight to tell the difference.
Do you mean copy paper?
Sad at 75.
Nice smile for the morning read. Thanks
Thanks for doing this! Nice start to the day.
After my recent Prostate Exam, which was the most thorough I’ve ever had,
the Doctor left and the nurse came in.
As she shut the door, she asked me a question I didn’t want to hear:
She said,”Who Was That Guy?
On a beautiful Thanksgiving Day in the late 60s we were at my Uncle and Aunties house and the adults had been sipping beer all day and had a nice turkey on the rotisserie. After the bird was finished and we were all seated at the table, we bowed our heads and my dad told me to say grace. I was immediately struck with fear at the prospect of being totally unprepared to say the blessing or as he called it Grace. With eyes closed, and heads bowed, my mind was still reeling at the command of my father to bless the meal. I choked, I swallowed hard and I said said the word “Grace.” A few nervous giggles from my cousins were heard, and I looked at my dad and he was not happy.
My brother had the same problem at a Christmas dinner. He hesitated, and then said, “G-d is good G-d is great, yeah G-d.”
Eveyone looked at each other for a moment and then began digging in.
Funny, as always. Thanks.
When asked how he liked a church service, a five year old replied, I liked it but I missed the bear. What bear? his mother asked.
The youngster replied, Gladly, the cross-eyed bear.
Good food, good meat
Good God, let's eat.
“The only one I know is
Good food, good meat
Good God, let’s eat.”
Through the teeth and over the tongue,
look out stomach here it comes.”
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