This is how the simple act of compassion has been turned into a verbal minefield for people. You want to be compassionate and say something, but she is actually offended that you didn’t read her mind and choose the right adjective.
>>Either we are allowed to try and assuage hurt or our top priority is standing tough and being quiet Lest We Offend.
The minefield was laid down for men way back when “Men Are From mars. Women Are From Venus” came out and men were told that good communication is only possible when we suppress everything we stand for and communicate as women. Then, the gays joined in (vs the heterosexuals), the blacks (vs the whites, and then it became super-sensitive with White Priv and the newer, more restrictive, Unconscious Bias). A Christian can’t have a difficult conversation with a non-Christian.
The new commandment is what you said, “Lest We Offend”. It is far better to just let people do what they want and if they try to do it you then you shoot them.