Five out of six is very good, thanx for the laughs.
#3, however, is much older than dirt - Rodney Dangerfield did that joke (wife, not Bubba) over 40 years ago...
#2 is old too. The first version I heard was attributed to Mark Twain: “When the end of the world comes, I want to be in Cincinnati because it’s always 20 years behind the times.”