Posted on 05/15/2020 9:00:43 AM PDT by Colonial35
The incomparable JP: What It’s Like to Believe Everything the Media Tells You [about coronavirus]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QcUAG6t5aN8
An ancient Greek walks into his tailor’s shop with a pair of torn pants.
“Euripides?” says the tailor.
“Yeah, Eumendides?” replies the man.
So awful, it deserves to infect others.
I love that joke. I use it whenever I can.
Another old one I like is:
What did the tailot say to the nudist? “Sew what?”
Last Tuesday, as President Bush got off the presidential helicopter,
Marine One, in front of the White House,
he was carrying a baby piglet under each arm.
The marine on duty squared up, saluted and said in a very typical,
sharp marine’s voice, “Nice pigs, sir.”
The president replied, “These are not pigs!
These are authentic Arkansas Razorback Hogs.
I got one for Senator Hillary Clinton and I got one for
Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi.”
The marine squared up again, salutes and says in a very typical,
sharp marine’s voice, “Excellent trade, sir.”
Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal,
and says to the first man he meets, “Do you want to go to heaven?”
The man said, “I do, Father.”
The priest said, “Then stand over there against the wall.”
Then the priest asked the second man, “Do you want to go to heaven?”
“Certainly, Father,” was the man’s reply.
“Then stand over there against the wall,” said the priest.
Then Father Murphy walked up to O’Toole and said,
“Do you want to go to heaven?”
O’Toole said, “No, I don’t Father.”
The priest said, “I don’t believe this.
You mean to tell me that when you die you don’t want to go to heaven?”
O’Toole said, “Oh, when I die, yes.
I thought you were getting a group together to go right now.”
A bus filled with politicians was driving through
the countryside one day, on the campaign trail.
The bus driver, caught up in the beautiful scenery,
loses control and crashes into the ditch.
A farmer living nearby hears the horrible crash and
rushes out to discover the wreckage. Finding the politicians, he buries them.
The next day, the police come to the farm to question the man.
“So you buried all the politicians?” asked the police officer.
“Were they all dead?”
The farmer answered, “Some said they weren’t,
but you know how politicians lie.”
A motorist had a flat tire in front of an insane asylum.
He took the wheel off, but when he stood up he tipped over
the hubcap containing the bolts,
spilling them all down a sewer drain.
A patient, looking through the fence,
suggested that the man take one bolt from the remaining
three wheels to hold the fourth wheel in place
until he could get to a service station.
The motorist thanked him profusely and said,
“I don’t know why you are in that place.”
The patient said, “I’m in here for being crazy,
not for being stupid.”
A reporter is looking for a new story and thought an asylum for the insane would make a nice story. There, his first question is how they know who is sane and who’s insane. “Well,” the woman working there replied “We give everyone a teaspoon, a tablespoon and a bucket. Then we lead them to the bathroom and ask them to empty the bathtub as fast as they can”. “Obviously, the sane people would use the bucket” the reporter says.
“No, the sane people would use the plug...”
hahaha
A grasshopper goes into a bar. He hops up on the bar stool, and the bartender says, “Hey, I have a drink named after you.”
“You have a drink called an Irving?”
bump
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