Questions and Answers from
CARP Forum
CARP - Canadian Association of Retired People
Q: Where can single men over the age of 70 find
younger women who are interested in them?
A: Try a bookstore, under
Fiction.
Q: What can a man do while his wife is going
through menopause?
A: Keep busy. If you’re handy with tools, you can
finish the basement. When you’re done, you will have a place to live.
Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your
over-70 year-old husband?
A: Tell him you’re
pregnant.
Q: How can you avoid that terrible curse of the
elderly wrinkles?
A: Take off your
glasses.
Q: Seriously! What can I do for these crow’s feet
and all those wrinkles on my face?
A: Go braless. It will usually pull them
out.
Q: Why should 70-plus year old people use valet
parking?
A: Valets don’t forget where they park your
car
Q: Is it common for 70-plus year olds to have
problems with short term memory storage?
A: Storing memory is not a problem. Retrieving it
is the problem.
Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?
A: Yes, but usually in the
afternoon.
Q: Where should 70-plus year olds look for eye
glasses?
A: On their
foreheads.
Q: What is the most common remark made by 70-plus
year olds when they enter antique stores?
A: “Gosh, I remember
these!”
SMILE,
You’ve still got your sense of
humor, haven’t you?
I once worked at a civil engineering firm in Cincinnati that was THE most uncivil place I had ever worked in my life. It is a wonder I didn’t punch someone out. I saw a guy in the elevator once and told him he didn’t want to work there. He owned the place, lol.
In the vain of "dismount," reminds me of a joke between husband & wife.
A husband wanting to get his wife interested in hunting, finally got her to commit to go Elk hunting. They discussed the area they would be hunting, and if either of them got lucky to bag an Elk, they should fire off 4 shot's, to signal they got one.
So on the day of the hunt, after spending a few hour's in the bitter cold, all of a sudden, the husband hear's what amounted to about a dozen shot's or so. The husband thinking, well the wife and I did discuss shooting off some signal shot's. Maybe she's over excited, let me go and check. So, after walking up the side of a mountain, to the area he believed his wife to be at. As he came to that place, he saw a man, and his wife, the man pleading with the husband, look she can keep the horse, but please let me take my saddle.
Little Johnny meets Nancy Pelosi
Nancy Pelosi was visiting a primary school in Tampa and visited a grade four class. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings.
The teacher asked Mrs. Pelosi if she would like to lead the discussion on the word ‘tragedy.’ So our illustrious Democrat asked the class for an example of a ‘tragedy’.
One little boy stood up and offered: “If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs him over and kills him, that would be a tragedy.”
“No,” said Pelosi , “that would be an accident.”
A little girl raised her hand: “If a school bus carrying 50 children drove off a cliff, killing everyone, that would be a tragedy.”
“I’m afraid not,” explained Pelosi .
“That’s what we would call great loss.”
The room went silent. No other child volunteered. Pelosi searched the room.
“Isn’t there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?”
Finally at the back of the room, Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher held her breath.
In a quiet voice he said: “If the plane carrying you was struck by a ‘friendly fire’ missile and blown to smithereens that would be a tragedy.”
“Fantastic!” exclaimed Pelosi , “That’s right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?”
“Well,” says Johnny, “It has to be a tragedy, because it sure as hell wouldn’t be a great loss ... and you can bet your sweet ass it wouldn’t be an accident either!”
The teacher left the room.