ROFL.
The secret Service Agent asked; “What’s with the pig?”
Bill replied; “I got it for Hillary.”
“Good trade.”
A Tennessee grad, Alabama grad, and an Auburn grad were sitting together in a bar drinking...They all got up together to go to the bathroom...
After the Bama grad finished, he turned the water on cold and very light...Just got a dab of soap on his fingertips and ashed quick...he looked at the other two and said, “At Alabama, they taught us thriftiness...”
The Auburn grad stepped to the sink, turned the hot water on full, soaped up to his elbows and scrubbed and scrubbed...He looked at the others and said, “At Auburn, they taught us cleanliness...”
The Tennessee grad looked at the two and walked toward the door...The two said, “Aren’t you going to wash???”
Tennessee grad looked back and said, “At Tennessee, they taught us not to piss on our hands...”
I traded half my stuff for freedom from my ex.
Worth every penny!
A man is pulled over for speeding.
The cop says “Look, it’s almost shift change. I’d really prefer not to write you a ticket. If you can give me an original excuse for speeding, I’ll let you go with a warning.”
The man thought a minute then replied “My ex ran off with a police officer. I thought you were trying to return her.”
No ticket.