Posted on 09/11/2022 4:13:04 AM PDT by sodpoodle
Law of Mechanical Repair- your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee
Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.
Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal; someone always answers.
Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now
Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone will ring.
Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, IT WILL!!!
Law of Biomechanics- The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.
The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
Murphy's Law ((If it can go wrong ~ it will)) of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.
Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible IF you don't know what you are talking about.
Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.
Law of Public Speaking -- A CLOSED MOUTH GATHERS NO FEET!
Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it OR the store will stop selling it!
Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there, you'll feel better. But don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.
Love my Ford Flex. And everyone I know how has one does as well. Unique styling - more squared off and less angular and trendy. Because it’s more square you can really get the load in there. Great for my annual migrations - being a snow bird.
Of course they quit making them after 2019.
Robin’s prime directive: If you find something you like, buy a lot of it (them). If you find something you REALLY like, buy a lifetime supply.
Law of Physical Surfaces - also applies to kids with plates of spaghetti and the stain will remain 30 years later.
Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - the company will immediately change the recipe.
Law of the Bath with a bit of Doctor’s Law - the phone will ring the second you climb on a ladder to paint the bathroom causing you to fall off said ladder busting your head open and the doctor will stand outside your patient room to diagnose it as nothing to be bothered with as blood is dripping onto his floor.
Law of Law - It never works on democrats
“For every sock the dryer loses, a random Tupperware lid appears in the kitchen.”
Read a short Science Fiction story some years ago, about a guy who was a quantum mechanics type scientist. He kept losing socks in the dryer. He kept careful count but every 3rd load or so would be missing a sock. After doing some calculations he realized that with just the right spin, heat and static electric build up a portal into an alternate universe would open up on the dryer basket big enough for a sock to go thru. It would collapse after one sock. He was losing a sock but somebody was gaining one, thus at least not violating any Newtonian, etc laws.
I always liked the Law of the Experiment (or Demonstration):
The success of any demonstration or experiment is inversely proportional to the importance of the people watching it. Always.
3. You get paid on Friday
4. The boss is an ahole
The length of time an object is stored in your attic (basement, garage) is inversely proportional to the time you will absolutely NEED it after you’ve donated it to charity.
Murphy was an optimist
In troubleshooting major outages on conference bridges with Vice Presidents, Directors and General Managers listening in for hours on end or simply talking on the phone with a Special Services technician, the Central Office craftsman and an Outside Plant dispatch repairman for an eternity, it is easy to see that telephones are not any part of God. It's all digital nowadays anyway. Cellphones are a gift from the Devil to destroy polite civil discourse.
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