Please. I was taught at a young age to put others before myself...especially my husband and children. I raised two sons alone because my husband couldn't keep his dick in his pants. He never wanted to have anything to do with his sons after we divorced, and hasn't had any contact with them in close to 40 years. He has no idea his youngest son had colon cancer in 2019.
I never asked for anything from anyone. In order to get a job that paid a decent salary and benefits, I had to move myself and my kids over 3 hours away. Nobody helped me. I went to school nights, took out student loans. Got my masters degree on my own. Nobody helped me. Everything I have, I earned myself. I retired in 2003, and never looked back. Never remarried since I was divorced in 1979, and have lived happily alone for many years. I was the baby of the family, and have outlived everyone else. My last sibling died in 2014. I turned 75 this year...the oldest anyone in my family has lived to. And no, I never contemplated suicide at any time during my life. I learned from my mistakes, and continued to push to better myself.
You are either a survivor, or you are a weak person. It's your choice. You can either pull up your bootstraps, and get on with your life after disappointments and failures, or you can feel sorry for yourself, and choose to wallow in your sorrow the rest of your life, or until you chicken out, and end it. I worked with people who committed suicide. One of them did it right in front of his wife and kids. That's what alcoholism does to some. For others it's drugs, or an illness they no longer want to deal with. I can't feel sorry for people who weren't willing to help themselves.
You are a rare breed. Strong and independent, and would succeed anywhere. “You are Somebody.”
But not everyone is that.