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Pilot
Preacher
Hoodlum Rock
Les on a Ledge
Bailey's Show
Hold-Up
Turkeys Away
Goodbye Johnny
Johnny Comes Back
Love Returns
I want to Keep my Baby
Fish Story
The Contest Nobody
Could Win
Momma's Review
A Date with Jennifer
Tornado
Young Master Carlson
Never Leave me, Lucille
A Commercial Break
I Do, I Do... For Now
Who is Gordon Sims |
Johnny: Gripping music, huh?
Mr Carlson: Yeah, that's good all right. What's the name of that orchestra?
Johnny: Pink Floyd.
Mr Carlson: Oooh, is that Pink Floyd? Do I hear dogs barking on that thing?
Johnny: I do. Mr Carlson: What's really going on, Travis?
Andy: Nothing!
Mr Carlson: Well, I don't like it. It's too quiet.
Andy: D'you think the Indians are gonna attack? Andy: You are the boss. You're the boss! And you do, uh, boss stuff.
Mr Carlson: Such as?
Andy: Well, you, uh, uh - well, then again you, uh - well, let me put it this way. Just knowing that you're in here, Boss, uh Boss, knowing that you're at the helm, gives us a lot of confidence.
Mr Carlson: Ah. That's not good enough. I sit in here all day, at the helm as you say, but I never get to steer the ship! Mr Carlson: All it's gonna take is your complete co-operation, absolute secrecy, and twenty live turkeys. Herb: When that farmer asked me what I wanted with twenty live turkeys, I had to do some pretty fast talking, let me tell you.
Les: What did you tell him?
Herb: I told him it was a secret. Mr Carlson: At this particular point in time, I'd like to dictate a press release.
Jennifer: I don't take dictation.
Mr Carlson: What? All right, I guess I can do this thing myself. It's probably going to be a long meeting, so why don't you get coffee for all the guys here.
Jennifer: I don't get coffee, Mr Carlson, we agreed.
Mr Carlson: Oh, yeah.
Jennifer: You have to draw the line somewhere. Will there be anything else I can do?
Mr Carlson: No, I think that about does it.
Jennifer: Thank you.
Mr Carlson: Oh no, thank you.
Les: How does she get away with that?
Herb: Are you kidding? Les: It's a helicopter, and it's coming this way. It's flying something behind it, I can't quite make it out, it's a large banner and it says, uh - Happy... Thaaaaanksss... giving! ... From... W.... ... K... ... R... ... P!! Les: No parachutes yet. Can't be skydivers... I can't tell just yet what they are, but - Oh my God, Johnny, they're turkeys!! Johnny, can you get this? Oh, they're plunging to the earth right in front of our eyes! One just went through the windshield of a parked car! Oh, the humanity! The turkeys are hitting the ground like sacks of wet cement! Not since the Hindenberg tragedy has there been anything like this! Johnny: Les? Are you there? Les isn't there. (composing himself) Thanks for that on-the-spot report, Les, and for those of you who just tuned in, the Pinedale Shopping Mall has just been bombed with live turkeys. Film at eleven. Jennifer: But Mr Colly, a lot of turkeys don't make it through Thanksgiving! Venus: Les! Are you okay?
Les: I don't know. A man and his two children tried to kill me. After the turkeys hit the pavement, the crowd kind of scattered, but some of them tried to attack me! I had to jam myself into a phone booth! Then Mr Carlson had the helicopter land in the middle of the parking lot. I guess he thought he could save the day by turning the rest of the turkeys loose. It gets pretty strange after that.
Andy: Les, c'mon now, tell us the rest.
Les: I really don't know how to describe it. It was like the turkeys mounted a counterattack! It was almost as if they were ...organized!!
Mr Carlson: As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly. Choose an episode from the list on the left or
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