Nursery rhymes put kids 'at risk'(barf)

The BBC ^ | December 10, 2003

[RWR8189]

"All the king's men" should have given Humpty proper care

Some nursery rhymes send dangerously inaccurate messages to young listeners, according to Canadian researchers.

They are concerned that characters in popular rhymes suffer major injuries without receiving proper treatment.

The characters include Humpty Dumpty, who had a great fall, and Jack and Jill, who tumbled down a hill.

Children are told these stories "without people stopping to really look at what's happened", according to the tongue-in-cheek research.

The team from Dalhousie University ridiculed the idea that all the king's horses and all the king's men should even try to put Humpty Dumpty together again.

"What sort of EMS (emergency medical service) training and equipment did these first responders have?" they ask in a light-hearted paper published by the Canadian Medical Association Journal.

Medically sound

The carer in "Rock a-bye baby" also comes in for criticism.

Medically correct nursery rhyme Little Johnny rode his bike, No helmet on his head. He took a fall and split his skull, His mother feared him dead. She rushed him to the ER, Where they checked his neuro signs. They noted a blown pupil And inserted IV lines. They called the neurosurgeon, Who came in and drilled a burr. Now Johnny's fine; he rides his bike, But he's helmeted, for sure.

The child should not have been put in a tree in the first place and when the "bough broke" medical assistance should have sought immediately.

Jack and Jill's injuries are at least reported, but not accurately enough, according to the researchers.

"Does a broken 'crown' refer to a skull fracture?" they ask.

"It's Raining, It's Pouring," "Ten Little Monkeys," and "Ring a ring o' roses" were the other rhymes studied.

Luckily the authors of the report, trainee doctors Sarah Giles and Sarah Shea, have composed their own, more "medically accurate," nursery rhyme to improve things.

[grimalkin]

little timmy studied chemistry, but timmy is no more
for what he took for H²O, was H²SO⁴

[Cicero]

My aim is so bad, I haven't hurt anyone yet, but I keep trying.

Don't drop the anvil when the car is directly below the bridge. You have to LEAD the car.

[CrazyIvan]

Maybe his sights aren't properly calibrated for ACME anvils.

[ThinkLikeWaterAndReeds]

The horses, it was the horses that got in the way of the kings men and trampled humpty dumpty.

[herkbird]

The Three Stooge's are my heroes. My parents were ever so kind to take me to see them in person. It was one of my greatest moments as a kid, nyuk! nyuk...
I never got hurt or injured from watching their lunacy, because I new better than to try that kind of crap in my household. My parents thought it was very funny to watch, but taught us well about the dangers that could happen if not performed by the infamous, but professional Three Stooges. nyuk..nyuk..

[mugsaway]

Jack and Jill went up the hill
Both with a buck and a quarter
Jill came down with two fifty
The F'in whore.

A.D.Clay