Ordering a pizza in 2004
Operator: "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut.
May I have your..."
Customer: "Hi, I'd like to order take out."
Operator: "May I have your NIDN first, sir?"
Customer: "My National ID Number, oh, yeah, hold on,
um, it's 6102049998-45-54610."
Operator: "Thank you, Mr. Sheehan. I see you live at
1742 Meadowland Drive, and the phone number's
494-2366. Your office number over at Lincoln Insurance
is 745-2302 and your cell number's 266-2566. Which
number are you calling from, sir?"
Customer: "Huh? I'm at home. Where d'ya get all this
information?"
Operator: "We're wired into the system, sir."
Customer: (sighs) "Oh, well, I'd like to order a
couple of your All-Meat Special pizzas..."
Operator: "I don't think that's a good idea, sir."
Customer: "Whaddya mean?"
Operator: "Sir, your medical records indicate that
you've got very high blood pressure and extremely high
cholesterol. Your National Health Care provider won't
allow such an unhealthy choice."
Customer: "Darn. What do you recommend, then?"
Operator: "You might try our low-fat Soybean Yogurt
Pizza. I'm sure you'll like it"
Customer: "What makes you think I'd like something
like that?"
Operator: "Well, you checked out 'Gourmet Soybean
Recipes' from your local library last week, sir.
That's why I made the suggestion."
Customer: "All right, all right. Give me two
family-sized ones, then. What's the damage?"
Operator: "That should be plenty for you, your wife
and your four kids, sir. The 'damage,' as you put it,
heh, heh, comes $49.99."
Customer: "Lemme give you my credit card number."
Operator: "I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid you'll have
to pay in cash. Your credit card balance is over its
limit."
Customer: "I'll run over to the ATM and get some cash
before your driver gets here."
Operator: "That won't work either, sir. Your checking
account's overdrawn."
Customer: "Never mind. Just send the pizzas. I'll have
the cash ready. How long will it take?"
Operator: "We're running a little behind, sir. It'll
be about 45 minutes. If you're in a hurry you might
want to pick 'em up while you're out getting
the cash, but carrying pizzas on a motorcycle can be a
little awkward."
Customer: "How the heck do you know I'm riding a
bike?"
Operator: "It says here you're in arrears on your car
payments, so your car got repo'ed. But your Harley's
paid up, so I just assumed that you'd be using it."
Customer:
"@#%/$@&?#!" Operator: "I'd advise watching your language, sir.
You've already got a July 2016 conviction for cussing
out a cop."
Customer: (Speechless)
Operator: "Will there be anything else, sir?"
Customer: "No, nothing, oh yeah, don't forget the two
free liters of Coke your ad says I get with the
pizzas."
Operator: "I'm sorry sir, but our ad's exclusionary
clause prevents us from offering free soda to
diabetics.
That's a hoot! Unfortunately, that may not be so far off in the future. But for now, it's a good laugh. Thanks. Mxxx