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Spouses get sobering advice as 101st soldiers return
knoxnews.com ^ | January 22, 2004 | KIMBERLY HEFLING

Posted on 01/21/2004 9:33:48 PM PST by Nachum

FORT CAMPBELL, Ky. - There were hugs, kisses and shouts of joy as families greeted 101st Airborne Division soldiers freshly home from Iraq. Then there was a dose of reality.

Army spouses holding newborn babies and "Welcome Home" banners suddenly got quiet and listened as a chaplain and physician delivered the sobering message: Not everything will be easy in upcoming days.

"We just ask that you take it slow, that you communicate with each other. Talk about expectations. There may be things you need to talk about," Chaplain Kerry Greene told them.

Anger, resentment and flashbacks are just some of the problems that can arise as the soldiers have time to assess what they saw in Iraq and readjust to the responsibilities of home life.

Some soldiers may resent that things ran smoothly without them, or question why tasks such as paying bills or disciplining children have been done a certain way.

Lt. Col. Melinda Cavicchia, an Army physician who helps give the briefings, tells the families to seek help before the situation gets out of control.

"If your soldiers are having problems, there's a place to go," Cavicchia said. "And if you are having problems, you also have a place to go."

The briefings are part of a series of steps the Army is taking in hopes of preventing domestic violence, drunken driving and even suicide. They were mandated after four wives at Fort Bragg, N.C., were allegedly killed in 2002 at the hands of their soldier husbands. In three of the killings, the men involved had recently returned from duty in Afghanistan.

The soldiers from the 101st - about 20,000 - are beginning to return to Fort Campbell after a year in Kuwait and Iraq. It is expected to take until April for the entire division to return.

The 101st fought in major combat on the drive to Baghdad, and then settled in northern Iraq to help rebuild the country. Sixty soldiers from Fort Campbell have died in the Iraq war.

Greene said research shows that there are fewer problems when people are aware of things that can happen.

The messages to 101st Airborne Division families range from telling soldiers to follow traffic rules - sometimes a challenge for those used to plowing over curbs in Humvees - to being prepared for soldiers' irritability from jet lag.

The talks are also meant to ease fears families might have about diseases the soldiers could come home with, such as Leishmaniasis - a skin disease transmitted by bites from sand flies that causes lesions known as the "Baghdad boil."

Brochures are available at the homecomings with information about possible issues for reuniting soldiers and their families.

Cavicchia reminds the families that the soldiers were not allowed to consume alcohol during the year they were deployed, and their tolerance could be lower than before they left.

"You need to look after them and make sure they remain safe so they don't overdo it ... of course, they shouldn't drink or operate any other machinery after they do drink," Cavicchia said.

Cavicchia said some of the spouses have thanked her after the briefings.

To some, the information can seem intrusive, but it's a good idea, said Kristine Underhill, a 34-year-old mother of three who listened with her newborn baby girl in a carrier by her side.

She's ecstatic her husband, Sgt. 1st Class Randal Underhill, is home, but she said she knows from his previous deployments it takes time to readjust.

"A lot of people need it. A year's a long time to be gone. ... I didn't want to hear it, but it needs to be said."


TOPICS: Foreign Affairs; Front Page News; News/Current Events
KEYWORDS: 101st; advice; return; sobering; soldiers; spouses
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1 posted on 01/21/2004 9:33:50 PM PST by Nachum
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To: Nachum; 68-69TonkinGulfYachtClub; ohioWfan; mystery-ak; M0sby; Kathy in Alaska; LindaSOG; ...
bttt
2 posted on 01/21/2004 9:46:24 PM PST by kayak (Have you prayed for our President and our troops today?)
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To: Nachum
Guess what? This has been true since soldiers first began to deploy and later return to their families.
3 posted on 01/21/2004 10:10:35 PM PST by LiteKeeper
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To: LiteKeeper
Good message for all though.
I am glad they say it, it surely doesn't hurt.
It is also nice to know that you are in the same boat as other people.
4 posted on 01/21/2004 10:20:28 PM PST by M0sby (My Marine is HOME!)
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To: LiteKeeper
This has been true since soldiers first began to deploy and later return to their families.

Very true- but often (at least during vietnam) soldiers came home alone, and didn't get a chance to decompress. I saw another post regarding another unit that mentioned the troops were going to have to go through two days of half-day schedules before they took leave.

I'm usually not a fan of psycho-babble, but in this case I think it's a good idea to prep the family, prep the troops...and try to make the transition as easy as possible.

I would hate to read about a 20 year old kid getting killed driving drunk the first night he's back.

let's hope they all have soft landing.

5 posted on 01/21/2004 10:21:16 PM PST by fourdeuce82d
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To: kayak
Thanks for the PING kayak.
This info was VERY valuable to me.
I am glad that the military takes seriously its duty to help families "readjust" to each other.
Some things are easy to remember ;-)
Somethings are more difficult.
6 posted on 01/21/2004 10:23:15 PM PST by M0sby (My Marine is HOME!)
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To: fourdeuce82d
BUMP TO YOU!
7 posted on 01/21/2004 10:23:50 PM PST by M0sby (My Marine is HOME!)
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To: LiteKeeper
Yep. But Vietnam changed things. The way our returning GIs got crapped on was a national disgrace, and with the press beating the drum of Bush being a failure, this will (dammit) have some spinoff effects. The d@mned liberals have been trying to make this into another Vietnam from the git-go, and the liberal press lost that war, not our troops in the field. If those thankless b@stards establish that parallel, look for similar problems.
8 posted on 01/21/2004 10:27:10 PM PST by Smokin' Joe (This tagline manufactured in the U.S.A. and is certified prion-free.)
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To: Nachum
Personally I get really tired of hearing how modern men returning from deployment need psychiatric advice on how to deal with coming home. I guess our fathers and grandfathers must have had to deal with all that stuff without the benefit of pyschobabble. The only problem I had returning from deployments was getting used to having a door to close as I went in to the toilet and being careful not to burn myself with a hot shower.
9 posted on 01/21/2004 10:28:29 PM PST by strongbow
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To: Nachum
I'm glad to see that they're doing this - young wives can be pretty naive about things. Those of us that have been through it a few times know the homecoming is the toughest part.

I think it was easier when we transferred at the time of the homecoming - instead of his coming in and "taking over" my routine, we started up a whole new routine together.

10 posted on 01/21/2004 10:35:15 PM PST by Spyder (Just another day in Paradise)
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Comment #11 Removed by Moderator

To: strongbow
I get really tired of hearing how modern men returning from deployment need psychiatric advice on how to deal with coming home. I guess our fathers and grandfathers must have had to deal with all that stuff without the benefit of pyschobabble

I guess so...but then again during the world war II Demob it took months to get the troops back home, and they generally came back as a unit.

I don't buy into the whole "veterans are walking time bombs/incipient nutjobs/scarred beyond hope thing- I suspect many of the homeless who claim to be suffering Vietnam vets are posers. (see "Stolen Valor")

But still, I imagine it's a pretty big adjustment-one that may be harder for some than for other. Different vets may have had different experiences, depending on their jobs.

A 19 year old infantry guy may have gone through things that were more trying than what a clerk or a dentist experienced.

12 posted on 01/21/2004 10:41:46 PM PST by fourdeuce82d
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To: Spyder
Yep. Wouldn't have considered myself naive about very many things...perhaps "inexperienced" would be a better word for me (at least to make me feel better:-)
The communication "topics" were easy to discuss as they were "suggested" by someone else.
I was HAPPY to go through the motions...and HAPPY that there were ALOT of things we had already discussed as issues came up.
13 posted on 01/21/2004 10:43:42 PM PST by M0sby (My Marine is HOME!)
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To: M1911A1
PING
14 posted on 01/21/2004 10:44:51 PM PST by M0sby (My Marine is HOME!)
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To: strongbow
My dad came home from WWII on a troopship, spending weeks with fellow veterans shooting the bull. Servicemen nowadays get on a plane and are home in hours.

What's the harm in spending a little time talking to the troops and families about some of the difficulties they might face? Little things like Momma being used to making all the decisions, kids reacting to your return, etc.

I don't think my homecoming would have been a disaster without the pep talks, but it was good to see support there if somebody thought they needed it, and it did no harm that I can see.
15 posted on 01/21/2004 10:53:17 PM PST by M1911A1
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To: M1911A1
"... My dad came home from WWII on a troopship, spending weeks with fellow veterans shooting the bull."

Sounds like it must have been one of the best times of his life. :)

16 posted on 01/21/2004 10:57:08 PM PST by The KG9 Kid (‘Yeaaaaaghh!’ ® 2004, Howard Dean.)
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To: LiteKeeper
It's always been true for thos 6-month Navy deployments!

And you're right. This is a fact of life for the Military.

It's just that young marrieds need to hear this from somewhere. There is a big readjustment to letting the soldier back into domestic life. And sometmes, the soldier doesn't want to become involved in homelife and paying bills, mowing the lawn/shovelling snow, and reading to their children. They are so used to "camp life", they have to find their way back.

I'm hoping there is some strong mentoring going on, older women to younger.

TNT
17 posted on 01/21/2004 10:59:46 PM PST by TruthNtegrity (I refuse to call candidates for President "Democratic" as they are NOT. They are Democrats.)
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To: fourdeuce82d
"A 19 year old infantry guy may have gone through things that were more trying than what a clerk or a dentist experienced."

Don't claim to be hero like one of those young folks and loved supporting and treating them, that was the highlight of my career. I got a little fed up with the force fed mandatory briefings on how you have been screwed up and how hard it is going to be on you when you get back home sort of garbage. It sort of smacked of the kinder gentler soldier stuff which I think is absurd given the mission.

18 posted on 01/21/2004 11:02:41 PM PST by strongbow
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To: strongbow
My husband also tires of the "kinder, gentler" lectures but puts up with them. I think perhaps they're of more value to those who aren't as connected perhaps as those who have access to the Internet, e-mail, etc. I know with his unaccompanied tours we've had it a lot better than the enlisted folk as far as being able to communicate with each other.

He enjoys treating the troops as well (63B9B in Army terminology - comprehensive dentist). He just volunteered for a "short" tour in Kuwait - 90-120 days but no guarantees. He is due to retire in a year and a half so I suspect he'll be home by then.

19 posted on 01/21/2004 11:29:33 PM PST by Spyder (Just another day in Paradise)
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To: All
One thing that all need to keep in mind is that the world is quite different now than it was 40, 50, or 60 years ago. Divorce was far less common then than now, roles within a marriage were viewed quite differently, women had much fewer alternatives re working outside the home .... society has changed quite a bit. This is not the place to discuss whether these changes are good or bad (or some of each) .... but they are fact. Comparisons between what happened then and what is happening now are really not valid.

Just because couples didn't get counselling or help decades ago doesn't mean they were living a fairy tale life. Often the wife stayed with her husband because there really weren't choices and there was almost a stigma attached to divorce. That doesn't mean that the marriage was either happy nor solid.

Couples who face reality and accept that there will be changes in their relationship are far better able to deal with issues before they become problems.

I don't understand why this concept should bother some people. If someone doesn't gain anything by getting some advice from others, that's great. But if others benefit from such advice, that's great, also. It's a very personal matter and each couple needs to handle it the way that is best for them.

20 posted on 01/21/2004 11:31:25 PM PST by kayak (Have you prayed for our President and our troops today?)
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