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Drug lords prepare for Ephedra illegalization
sPERTS.net ^

Posted on 02/10/2004 8:36:50 AM PST by Sir Gawain

Drug lords prepare for Ephedra illegalization
By Kestutis Daugirdas
Monday, February 9th, 2004
 TIJUANA, Mexico (sPERTS.net) – What’s the buzz in Tijuana?

The drug-lording industry is salivating over the arrival of a newly banned substance on the black market – Ephedra.

The Food and Drug Administration ordered manufacturers to stop producing the herbal stimulant by April 12th. Its use was linked to 155 deaths, including that of Baltimore Orioles pitcher Steve Bechler.

This Tijuana marketplace is already hyping up the dangerous herbal stimulant, and people are getting excited.
“We’d like to extend our most sincere gratitude to the FDA,” said Baja cartel spokesperson Rodolfo Gutierrez. “By banning this substance, you have opened a shining door for the drug-trafficking industry. We feel renewed by the illegalization of Ephedra.”

Drug-lording analysts agree that Ephedra is bound to be “the hippest illegal thing you can buy.” Which cartel consumers will consider as having the “best” Ephedrine depends upon cartel-brand recognition, as well as the all-important nickname.

Tijuana insiders hint that slang phrases for the herbal supplement are in the conceptual stages right now, to be released simultaneously with the drug itself on April 12th.

“Ef-Bomb” and “Phed-Ex” are two early candidates.

“The Herb” was discarded early in the process, because of possible confusion with existing banned substances.

This exchange of boring and uncool drugs is soon to be a thing of the past.
Casual substance abusers are getting ready to purchase the herbal supplement as soon as it hits the black market. Long-time recreational dope-fiend Tyrone Tarnowski, 35, already has “set up camp” outside the home of Kurt Ding, 22, his dealer.

“I’m gonna be the first one on the block to abuse this s---,” Tarnowski told reporters. “It’s like getting Skynyrd tickets – you gotta sacrifice and get there in advance. Only we’re not talking about Skynyrd here, this is the dizzope Effizedrin!”

Ding was not as enthusiastic about the “release” of the new drug.

“Man, that stuff can cause life-threatening side effects, even in seemingly healthy people who take the recommended doses because it speeds heart rate and constricts blood vessels. It is particularly risky for anyone with heart disease or high blood pressure or people engaging in strenuous exercise!”

“How do you expect me to sell that to my clients?” he added.

Police are seeking the appropriate authorization to remove Tarnowski and his tent from the sidewalk.


TOPICS: Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: ephedra; wodlist

1 posted on 02/10/2004 8:36:52 AM PST by Sir Gawain
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To: Billthedrill; Cyber Liberty; dead; Victoria Delsoul; Fiddlstix; Focault's Pendulum; glock rocks; ...
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2 posted on 02/10/2004 8:37:34 AM PST by Sir Gawain (Republicans give spineless cowards a bad name)
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To: Sir Gawain
I manage an herbal health food store. My boss really doesn't sell ephedra based products, except in an herbal asthma tea which my clients rave about. They like it because it works and it's only $6 for a bag. Another thing that is ephedra based but has never given anyone a heart attack are lots of male enhancement pills which if I'm to believe my male clients works. I take herbal diet supplements. It's all about NOT ABUSING the product. You never hear in these news reports that this baseball player was abusing the products, that the other people took more than what was said on the label,etc.
3 posted on 02/10/2004 8:40:43 AM PST by cyborg
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To: Sir Gawain
In my day, we only had two or three illegal drugs to master.

I don't know how today's high school kids can keep up!

4 posted on 02/10/2004 8:41:51 AM PST by dead (I've got my eye out for Mullah Omar.)
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To: Sir Gawain
LOL, probably not too far off the mark. I myself am going to buy up all the ephedrine at my usual gas-coffee-ephedrine stop while it lasts. Then when I eventually run out, I'll just mail order it from Mexico. How hip is that?
5 posted on 02/10/2004 8:41:51 AM PST by Sender ("This is the most important election in the history of the world." -DU)
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To: Sir Gawain; *Wod_list
“I’m gonna be the first one on the block to abuse this s---,” Tarnowski told reporters.

LOL!

6 posted on 02/10/2004 8:45:50 AM PST by Deliberator
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To: Sender
It's B.S. that you should have to, soon caffeine, cigarettes & fast food will be on the list as well. Bush is my man, but this is crap!
7 posted on 02/10/2004 8:59:24 AM PST by HELLRAISER II (Give us another tax break Mr. President)
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To: Sir Gawain
I wouldn't be suprised if the drug lords lobbied the administration to ban ephedra. It wouldn't be the first time that an industry influenced regulators to boost its profits.
8 posted on 02/10/2004 9:02:15 AM PST by antiRepublicrat
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To: cyborg
except in an herbal asthma tea

Bingo!

It's not about protecting us from the demon plant ephedra, it's about keeping the chemicals, drugs, and compounds in the hands of the doctors and under the control of the government.

I have asthma, so every month I can either spend $7 on a bottle of ephedrine pills, or spend $80 to visit a doctor and get a $40 prescription for an inhaler, which doesn't work half as well!

9 posted on 02/10/2004 9:19:45 AM PST by MamaTexan (Is anyone obligated to obey an unconstitutional government?)
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To: MamaTexan
If they were really interested in health, they'd ban cigarettes and alcohol. We all remember what happened when they tried to get rid of alcohol!
10 posted on 02/10/2004 9:27:19 AM PST by cyborg
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To: Sir Gawain
The first line says it all. And we all know how effective banning a drug is. This will do nothing but create new criminals without affecting the supply and demand at all.
11 posted on 02/10/2004 10:32:49 AM PST by Blood of Tyrants (Even if the government took all your earnings, you wouldn’t be, in its eyes, a slave.)
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To: cyborg
We all remember what happened when they tried to get rid of alcohol!

But some of us seem to be in denial.

12 posted on 02/10/2004 1:28:55 PM PST by Deliberator
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