[Poohbah]

"World's Biggest Zippo launched to relight Sun"

Of course, the NYT headline from when the comet hit:

COMET EXTINGUISHES SUN, WORLD DOOMED
Women and Minorities Hardest Hit

[AlexW]

"COMET EXTINGUISHES SUN, WORLD DOOMED
Women and Minorities Hardest Hit"

You forgot to add..."Democrats fault Bush for not knowing ahead of time, when he could have had the UN and Jesse Jackson solve the problem."