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Morford: Amazon.com Does Not Know Me
San Francisco Chronicle ^ | Wednesday, May 26, 2004 | Mark Morford (likes books with gladiators in them)

Posted on 05/26/2004 9:23:14 AM PDT by presidio9

I am a walking time bomb.

Like millions, I live deep deep deep in the digital storm, aswim in the electronic morass, irrevocable and irreversible and never to return to the ways of old because, as everyone knows, once you step foot into the rushing miasma of Net commerce and e-communication, you are imprinted onto the digital Void pretty much forever.

The Net, it washes over your life in a tidal wave of logins and passwords and cookies and AutoFill forms and account summaries and credit card numbers and semisecure Web sites, each promising on a stack of ridiculously defective Windows software that they won't sell or share your personal data, even though most of them do because otherwise how do you explain the 600 goddamn spam messages I receive every day? I'm looking at you, SBC.

I pay all my bills online. I bank online. I have accounts at probably 50 online merchants, everyone from the big boys like iTunes and Amazon and eBay and AdultDVDEmpire to scrappier shops like Teeccinno and VitaminShoppe and Blowfish.com, along with a whole plethora of e-joints I've long since forgotten about because I set up an account there once to buy a Christmas gift only to change my mind at the last minute because I found the same item for three bucks cheaper plus free shipping from some other site that I purchased from once and then completely forgot about.

It's just a matter of time before my data is exposed and the hackers and thieves and government agents come and steal my very being and my life is ruined. Right? Well, sort of.

(Excerpt) Read more at sfgate.com ...


TOPICS: Business/Economy; Culture/Society; Miscellaneous; News/Current Events; Philosophy
KEYWORDS: aidsgayplague; aidskillsfagsdead; analfissures; anusgazer; asscrack; asspirate; ballbiter; balljuggler; barebacker; bugchaser; bushco; buttbuddy; dowdismoreofaman; dudelikesbutts; flamingqueer; formeranalvirgin; futureaidscase; hamsterhider; homosexualagenda; ifeelprettyosopretty; lightintheloafers; mancrushonbush; mandatorybarfalert; manhole; markymo; mba; mincingfairy; morford; mouthfulloffarts; picklekisser; picklesniffer; polesmoker; queen; sanfrancrackhole; sausagestuffer; scrotumgargler; swordswallower; takesazt; wantshiv

1 posted on 05/26/2004 9:23:16 AM PDT by presidio9
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To: presidio9

Lucky Amazon.


2 posted on 05/26/2004 9:27:09 AM PDT by atomicpossum (I give up! Entropy, you win!)
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To: presidio9

And I write like I think and the wonderful bouquet of stool on the phallus and all that marvelous squishy, squeezy, dripping mung combined with the sound of laughter and moaning, and, and, and, and.....................


3 posted on 05/26/2004 9:27:36 AM PDT by johniegrad
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To: presidio9

LOL


4 posted on 05/26/2004 9:28:21 AM PDT by cyborg (tit for tat butter for fat hillary is ugly that's a fact)
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To: presidio9

Someone sold Missy some gooooood sh*t this week.


5 posted on 05/26/2004 9:28:34 AM PDT by Slings and Arrows (Am Yisrael Chai!)
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To: johniegrad

I know. I get tired of these so-called 'wordsmiths' who think that they have so much 'style'. Blechh!


6 posted on 05/26/2004 9:29:59 AM PDT by Looking4Truth ((Muslim internment camps in the U.S. NOW!!!))
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To: presidio9

Marky probably bought that full-size poster of Brad Pitt to hang on the ceiling over his bed at Amazon too.


7 posted on 05/26/2004 9:30:12 AM PDT by reagan_fanatic (Liberalism is the end result of too many people peeing in the gene pool.)
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To: johniegrad

You are excellent. That about sizes the matter up.


8 posted on 05/26/2004 9:31:21 AM PDT by Capriole (DO NOT WRITE IN THIS SPACE. FOR OFFICIAL USE ONLY.)
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To: presidio9

Morford is being rather conservative today in his language.


9 posted on 05/26/2004 9:34:10 AM PDT by Clemenza (Strolling along country roads with my baby...)
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To: johniegrad

>>>In this ass-clenched, war-torn, Bush-molested climate,
>>>paranoia thrives like a virus. The marketers may be getting
>>>aggressive, but the government is getting positively draconian.

I'm sure Morford wouldn't mind, as long as it involved snappy, well-tailored uniforms.

Note that in Morford's world, the worst possible insult is "ass-clenched". Telling.


10 posted on 05/26/2004 9:44:36 AM PDT by oblomov (reluctant libertarian for Bush)
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To: presidio9

Now he's blaming President Bush & SECDEF Rumsfeld because someone scammed his credit card. Is this the deep end yet? Are we there, Marky?

Michael Berg, meet Mark Morford. Morford, Berg. You two have much in common. It would appear everything wrong in both your lives is GWB's fault.

Enjoy your time together . . .


11 posted on 05/26/2004 9:52:25 AM PDT by BraveMan
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To: presidio9

This "gentleman" is a waste of skin.


12 posted on 05/26/2004 10:01:50 AM PDT by sauropod (Paleo-cons make better lovers)
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To: hellinahandcart; NYC GOP Chick; cyborg; Lil'freeper

Miss Morford is at it again.


13 posted on 05/26/2004 10:02:50 AM PDT by sauropod (Paleo-cons make better lovers)
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To: presidio9

He made it through 13 paragraphs before bashing Bush. That's gotta be a record.


14 posted on 05/26/2004 2:19:17 PM PDT by NYCVirago
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To: presidio9

I come to Morford threads just to check out the keywords.


15 posted on 05/26/2004 7:30:21 PM PDT by GATOR NAVY
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To: presidio9

Bastard!

He sucked me in, I learned more about her preferences than I ever wanted to know.

But I read on, thinking, hoping, wishing, that this would be the first column of Missy's I've read that didn't turn into a rant against Bush, Rummy, etc.

Bastard has still got sand in his vagina. (and that acrylic toy ain't helping)


16 posted on 05/26/2004 7:45:58 PM PDT by TC Rider (The United States Constitution © 1791. All Rights Reserved.)
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