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LEAK: Original Text of Bush Remarks About Clinton (Satire)
ScrappleFace ^ | 6/15/04 | Scott Ott

Posted on 06/15/2004 8:50:23 AM PDT by pookie18

As controversy swirls around the President George Bush's unusually complimentary remarks yesterday toward former President Bill Clinton, a White House staffer has leaked the manuscript of the speech Mr. Bush was supposed to give at the unveiling of the official portrait of Mr. Clinton.

"The President changed the speech," said the unnamed administration source. "He was editing on the fly--extemporaneously. For some reason he didn't feel comfortable delivering what the speechwriter gave him."

Here is the leaked text of the speech Mr. Bush was supposed to give in welcoming the former president…

THE PRESIDENT: Good morning. I appreciate you all coming. President Clinton and co-President Rodham Clinton, welcome home. (Applause.) All who live here are temporary residents; a thought which brought constant comfort to our nation during the years of your presidency. The portraits that are presented today will be held permanently in the White House collection, in order to protect the vast majority of children who will never walk through this hall. And so beginning today, the likenesses of President William Jefferson Clinton and First Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton will take their place in a line that began with George and Martha Washington, and veered wildly off course in late 1992. (Applause.)

Laura and I are pleased to welcome members of the Clinton and Rodham family, the only group that we have invited to pass through the metal detectors on their way out of the White House.

It's good to see so many who served our nation so ably in the Clinton administration. We're still trying to find a supplier for all the "W" keys you pried off of our computer keyboards in January 2001. If you'll just mail them to us, I'll declare a general amnesty from prosecution.

As you might know, my father and I have decided to call each other by numbers. (Laughter.) He's 41, I'm 43. It's a great honor to -- it's a great pleasure to honor the man we used to call number 2, or words to that effect.

The years have done a lot to clarify the strengths of this man. As a candidate for any office, whether it be the state attorney general or the President, Bill Clinton showed incredible energy and great personal appeal and an insatiable lust for life and various bipedal lifeforms.

As chief executive, he showed a deep and far-ranging knowledge of public policy, a great compassion for people in need, and the forward-looking spirit that Americans like in a President. He could always see a better day ahead -- and Americans knew he was working hard to bring that day closer. Wait a minute…excuse me, but that part was supposed to be in my eulogy for President Reagan.

Over eight years, it was clear that Bill Clinton loved the job of the presidency. He filled this house with energy and joy, as well as discarded pizza boxes and interns. He's a man of enthusiasm and warmth, who could make a compelling case and effectively advance the causes that drew him to public service. But his most enduring legacy will be the gracious way he ushered in the era of Republican control of Congress and the White House.

People in Bill Clinton's life have always expected him to succeed -- and, more than that, they wanted him to succeed, especially his Chinese communist friends. And meeting those expectations took more than charm and intellect -- it took hard work and drive and optimism, and a considerable amount of premeditated dissembling.

He's the first man in his party since Franklin Roosevelt to win a second term in the White House, shattering a great American tradition of discarding Democrats while we still had a shred of hope for our future.

And I could tell you more of his story, but it's available in fine bookstores all over America in a book called "Losing Bin Laden: How Bill Clinton's Failures Unleashed Global Terror," by Richard Miniter. (Laughter and applause.)


TOPICS: Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: scrappleface; unveiling

1 posted on 06/15/2004 8:50:26 AM PDT by pookie18
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To: pookie18
the only group that we have invited to pass through the metal detectors on their way out of the White House.

Thanks, I needed this...

2 posted on 06/15/2004 8:53:28 AM PDT by Dutchgirl (The God who made us, made us free...)
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To: Dutchgirl

How I wish . . . .


3 posted on 06/15/2004 9:04:45 AM PDT by Maceman (Too nuanced for a bumper sticker)
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To: pookie18

"...He filled this house with energy and joy, as well as discarded pizza boxes and interns.."

LOL!


4 posted on 06/15/2004 9:15:53 AM PDT by Made In The USA (REMEMBER NICK BERG.)
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To: pookie18

RUSH is reading this as we speak. KEWL!!!!!!!Very Funny.


5 posted on 06/15/2004 9:25:30 AM PDT by Mister Baredog ((Part of the Reagan legacy is to re-elect G.W. Bush))
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To: pookie18; Constitution Day
Heard this on Rush today, Hilarious!

MKM

6 posted on 06/15/2004 12:46:20 PM PDT by mykdsmom (The first time that Bill and Hillary had slept together in years was at the Reagan funeral (N Boortz)
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To: mykdsmom
Oh, I did too! Awesome.
I was driving back to the office with my lunch, and almost spit my sweet tea out.
7 posted on 06/15/2004 12:48:29 PM PDT by Constitution Day (Burger Eating War Monkey)
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To: Constitution Day
Well I DEFINATELY would have spit it out. Ew, sweet tea is nasty.

My boys call it hillbilly tea. I only drink Yankee tea : )

MKM

8 posted on 06/15/2004 12:57:24 PM PDT by mykdsmom (The first time that Bill and Hillary had slept together in years was at the Reagan funeral (N Boortz)
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To: pookie18
All who live here are temporary residents; a thought which brought constant comfort to our nation during the years of your presidency.

The portraits that are presented today will be held permanently in the White House collection, in order to protect the vast majority of children who will never walk through this hall.

And so beginning today, the likenesses of President William Jefferson Clinton and First Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton will take their place in a line that began with George and Martha Washington, and veered wildly off course in late 1992.

Now THERE'S a speech!!

9 posted on 06/15/2004 12:58:39 PM PDT by watchin (Democratic Party - the political wing of the IRS)
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To: mykdsmom
Were I the Supreme Overlord for a day, I would decree that:

There Shall Be No Unsweet Tea Sold South Of The Virginia Border.

But, I digress. ;)

10 posted on 06/15/2004 1:00:14 PM PDT by Constitution Day (Burger Eating War Monkey)
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To: Constitution Day

11 posted on 06/15/2004 1:09:38 PM PDT by mykdsmom (The first time that Bill and Hillary had slept together in years was at the Reagan funeral (N Boortz)
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To: pookie18

Ha!! :-D


12 posted on 06/15/2004 1:12:05 PM PDT by k2blader (My parents are borderline Bushbots, but I love 'em anyway. :-)
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To: mykdsmom

Jolly good!


13 posted on 06/15/2004 1:19:08 PM PDT by Constitution Day (Burger Eating War Monkey)
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