Morford: This Man Touched My Parrot

San Francisco Chronicle ^ | August 20, 2004 | Mark Morford, the gerbil was not available for handling

[presidio9]

How good and refreshing and inspiring is it, in these war-drunk, anti-everything, BushCo-ravaged times, to discover a gem of pure unadulterated free-thinking humanity and funkiness and animal tenderness sitting just outside the teeming city walls? How life affirming and encouraging is it to stumble, quite randomly, quite unexpectedly, across what is probably the funniest, most caring, most quirky, most unexpected, most hugely popular, intensely local veterinarian in the entire Bay Area even though I can't verify that because I've only been to like, two, but I'm willing to risk saying it anyway?

I am here with an answer: It is very, very good indeed.

This is what happened. The S.O., she has this parrot. A brand-new parrot, actually, a beautiful, young African Grey, recently acquired from a breeder quite by accident and quite by unplanned revelation and by oh-my-God-what-the-hell-are-we-doing impulse purchase (I know, I know) at the San Francisco Bird Mart. But that's, as they say, another column.

So we realized that this bird, this new life addition, this madly wondrous, chirping, curious beast of the Congo, she needed a checkup. The breeder we purchased her from was fine and responsible and caring, but as every book and Web site says, find yourself a good vet ASAP and take the bird in anyway, just to make sure. Check the talons. Take a blood test. Kick the avian tires. That sort of thing. It's just good practice.

[Pete98]

"The S.O., she has this parrot."

Isn't he risking a loss of readership by pretending to be straight?

[presidio9]

ping

[Constitution Day]

Because oh my God how easy is it, in the days of bogus Orange Alerts and government sneers and lies about war and lies about gays and lies about the environment and lies about what it means to be a caring American, to become jaded, to think that everyone is trying to ream you, to pull one over, to overcharge and give biased or tainted advice, to be, by default, selfish and self-serving and bitter. This, right now, if you read the news or watch any BushCo press conference, seems to be the American way.

Stream-of-insanity.
Plus, two uses of "BushCo" in the same article?

Get some new material, girl.

[Mr. Jeeves]

That was the first thing I noticed, but in San Francisco they reserve the right to use whatever gender pronouns they feel comfortable with, regardless of the biology. So it isn't clear. ;)

[Petronski]

Love the keywords. "SANDINHISVAGINA" LOL

[mountaineer]

This Man Touched My Parrot

Is that a euphemism for what goes on between Morford and his anonymous "partners" every night at SF's various gay bars? I have to admit I couldn't read the article to find out what s/he really meant by the phrase, as his columns tend to bring on uncontrollable waves of retching, and I just didn't feel like cleaning and sanitizing the keyboard.

[Loyalist]

Mark Morford must be pining for the fjords today.

[Zavien Doombringer]

It's was a NOrwegian blue, beautiful plummage

[Zavien Doombringer]

[harrycarey]

[wbill]

"This parrot has ceased to be! It should be pushing up the daisies!"

[Zavien Doombringer]

'ees restin'

[Zavien Doombringer]

C: Now that's what I call a dead parrot. O: No, no.....No, 'e's stunned!

C: STUNNED?!?

O: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up!

Norwegian Blues stun easily, major.

[wbill]

"Shall we go back to my place, then?"

"I thought you'd never ask."

[B Knotts]

The S.O., she has this parrot.

SHE?!?!?!!

Huh?

[B Knotts]

TAPINGHISPACKAGE

ROFL

See, that's why I've said before, I mainly click on these threads to read the keywords!

[Slings and Arrows]

I'm guessing it was a new editor's first day on the job, poor soul.

[RichInOC]

Hey, it's San Francisco. Even the straight guys are a little light in the loafers.

[Old Professer]

About as straight as Lombard Street.