Dangerfield In Coma After Heart Surgery

LOS ANGELES (AP) Rodney Dangerfield has been in a coma for a couple of weeks after undergoing heart surgery but has begun to show awareness, his wife said in a statement Monday

The 82-year-old comedian was stable and had been breathing on his own for 24 hours, Joan Dangerfield said in the statement released by the comic's publicist, Kevin Sasaki.

Dangerfield had a heart valve replaced Aug. 25 at the University of California, Los Angeles, Medical Center.

There was no mention of a coma in a condition update from the publicist last week. Sasaki did not immediately return calls for comment Monday.

Joan Dangerfield said in her statement, "My husband slipped into a light coma a couple of weeks ago while recovering from his heart surgery. His overall condition, however, remains stable."

She said Dangerfield was receiving "extraordinary care" from his doctors and nurses.

"After recent visits from his family and close friends, Rodney is starting to show signs of awareness and we are all hopeful that he will regain full consciousness soon," she said. "Our family remains optimistic that Rodney will make a complete recovery and we are humbled by the love and support we have received during his hospitalization."

Dangerfield, best known for the self-mocking line, "I don't get no respect," recently released his autobiography, "It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs."

PRESENTED TO YOU BY DANIAL MONAGHAN.*

* *
* Good crowd..good crowd. I'm telling
* you I could use a good crowd. I'm ok
* now but last week I was in rough
* shape.. you know.
*
* Why? I looked up my family tree and
* found out I was the sap.
*
* I come from a stupid family. During
* the civil war my great uncle fought
* for the west!
*
* My father was stupid. He worked in a
* bank and they caught him stealing
* pens.
*
* When I was born..the doctor came out
* to the waiting room and said to my
* father.. "I'm very sorry. We did
* everything we could..but he pulled
* through."
*
* My mother had morning sickness after
* I was born.
*
* My mother never breast fed me. She
* told me that she only liked me as a
* friend.
*
* My father carries around the picture
* of the kid who came with his wallet.
*
* When I played in the sandbox the cat
* kept covering me up.
*
* I could tell that my parents hated
* me. My bath toys were a toaster and
* a radio.
*
* Some dog I got too. We call him
* Egypt because he leaves a pyramid in
* every room.
*
* What a dog I got. His favorite bone
* is in my arm!
*
* I worked in pet store and people
* kept asking how big I'd get.
*
* One year they wanted to make me
* poster boy.. for birth control.
*
* I remember the time I was kidnapped
* and they sent back a piece of my
* finger to my father. He said he
* wanted more proof!
*
* My uncle's dying wish was to have me
* sitting on his lap. He was in the
* electric chair.
*
* I went to a phreak show and they let
* me in for nothing.
*
* I stuck my head out the window and
* got arrested for mooning!
*
* Once when I was lost.. I saw a
* policeman and asked him to help me
* find my parents. I said to him.."Do
* you think we'll ever find them." He
* said.."I don't know kid.. there are
* so many places they can hide."
*
* I remember I was so depressed I was
* going to jump out a window on the
* tenth floor.. so they sent a priest
* up to talk to me. He said.."On your
* mark..."
*
* On Halloween..the parents send their
* kids out looking like me.
*
* Last year.. one kid tried to rip my
* face off!
*
* Now it's different.. when I answer
* the door the kids hand me candy.
*
* When my old man wanted sex.. my
* mother would show him a picture of
* me.
*
* I had a lot of pimples too. One day
* I fell asleep in a library. I woke
* up and a blind man was reading my
* face.
*
* My wife made me join a bridge club.
* I jump off next tuesday.
*
* One time I went to a hotel. I asked
* the bellhop to handle my bag. He
* felt up my wife!
*
* It's tough to stay married. My wife
* kisses the dog on the lips..yet she
* won't drink from my glass!
*
* Last week my tie caught on fire.
* Some guy tried to put it out with an
* axe!
*
* For two hours..some guy followed me
* around with a pooper scooper.
*
* I met the surgeon general. He
* offered me a cigarette!
*
* This morning when I put on my under
* wear I could hear the Fruit of the
* Loom guys laughing at me.
*
* A travel agent offered me a 21 day
* special. He told me I would fly
* from New York to London. Then from
* Tokyo back to New York.I asked him..
* "How am I supposed to get from
* London to Tokyo?" He told me.."That
* is why we give you 21 days."
*
* Another travel agent told me I could
* spend 7 nights in Hawaii. No days..
* just nights.
*
* My problem is that I appeal to
* everyone that can do me absolutly no
* good.
*
* They say.."Love thy neighbor as thy
* self." What am I supposed to do?
* Jerk him off too?
*
* At christmas time I sat on santa's
* lap. His fly was open. Boy..what a
* present he gave me!
*
* My sex life is terrible. My wife put
* a mirror over the dogs bed.
*
* Actually she did put the mirror over
* our bed. She says she likes to watch
* herself laugh.
*
* I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a
* peeping tom booing me.
*
* My wife only has sex with me for a
* purpose. Last night she used me to
* time an egg.
*
* I asked my wife if she would put out
* the garbage. She said.."Why should
* I.. you never put out for me."
*
* I asked her if she enjoys a
* cigarette after sex.She said.."No..
* one drag is enough."
*
* I got myself good this morning too.
* I did my push ups in the nude..but I
* didn't see the mouse trap.
*
* A girl phoned me and said.."Come on
* over there's nobody home." I went
* over. Nobody was home!
*
* A hooker once told me she had a
* headache.
*
* I went to message parlor. It was
* self service.
*
* My only thrill is self inflicted
* hickies.
*
* If it weren't for pick-pocketers i'd
* have no sex life at all.
*
* I was making love to this girl and
* she started crying. I said.."Are you
* going to hate yourself in the
* morning?" She said.. "No.. I hate
* myself now."
*
* She was no bargain either. She
* showed up with pigtails under her
* arms.
*
* She was fat and ugly. She was so fat
* that...
*
* - She got on the scale and a card
* came out saying.. "One at a time."
*
* - Her bath tub has stretch marks.
*
* - Her belly button makes an echo.
*
* - She has her own postal code.
*
* - She wears a "CROSS YOUR THIGHS"
* bra.
*
* - She has a dress with a sign on
* the back saying.. "Caution wide
* load."
*
* - Her clothes are made by Omar the
* tent maker.
*
* - When guys have sex with her they
* ask for directions.
*
* - One day I ran into her with my
* car. She asked me why I didn't
* ride around her. I told her that
* I didn't think I had enough gas.
*
* - Her bikini is made out of two bed
* sheets.
*
* - When guys eat her out they ask for
* provisions for the trip.
*
* - Her mother ripped when she had
* her.
*
* - She uses a septic tank for a
* toilet.
*
* She was so ugly that...
*
* - She was known as a two bagger.
* That's when a girl is so ugly that
* you put a bag over your head in
* case the bag over her head breaks.
*
* - I bent down to pet her cat only
* to find that it was the hair on
* her legs.
*
* - I took her to a dog show and she
* won first prize.
*
* - They use her in prisons to cure
* sex offenders.
*
* - I took her to the top of the
* Empire State building and planes
* started to attack her.
*
* - She looks like she came second in
* a hatchet fight!
*
* - The last time I saw a mouth like
* hers it had a hook on the end of
* it.
*
* - She has a face like a saint. A
* saint bernard!
*
* I was tired one night and I went to
* the bar to have a few drinks. The
* bartender asked me.. "What'll you
* have?" I said.."surprise me." He
* showed me a naked picture of my
* wife.
*
* During sex my wife always wants to
* talk to me. Just the other night she
* called me from a hotel.
*
* My marriage is on the rocks again.
* Yeah..my wife just broke up with her
* boyfriend.
*
* One day..as I came home early from
* work..I saw a guy jogging naked. I
* said to the guy.."Hey buddy..why are
* you doing that for?" He said..
* "Because you came home early."
*
* I went to look for a used car. I
* found my wife's dress in the back
* seat!
*
* Once in a restuarant I made a toast
* to her.."The best woman a man ever
* had." The waiter joined me.
*
* Its been a rough day. I got up this
* morning..put on a shirt and a button
* fell off. I picked up my briefcase
* and the handle came off. I'm afraid
* to go to the bathroom!
*
* I had a problem. I tried group sex.
* Now I have a new problem...I don't
* know who to thank!
*
* My friends and I played a new
* version of Russian roulette. We
* passed around six girls and one of
* them had VD.
*
* I went to see my doctor.. you know
* him.. Doctor Vidi-boom-ba? Yeah..I
* told him once.. "Doctor.. every
* morning when I get up and look in
* the mirror..I feel like throwing up;
* what's wrong with me?" He said.."I
* don't know but your eyesight is
* perfect."
*
* I remember when I swallowed a bottle
* of sleeping pills. He told me to
* have a few drinks and get some rest.
*
* I told him I think my wife has VD.
* He gave himself a shot of
* penicillin.
*
* I told my dentist my teeth are going
* yellow. He told me to wear a brown
* necktie.
*
* He found a new way to cover up his
* bad breath...he holds up his arms.
*
* Why every time he smokes..he blows
* onion rings.
*
* My physchiatrist told me I'm going
* crazy. I told him.. "If you don't
* mind I'd like a second opion. "He
* said.."Alright..you're ugly too."
*
* I was so ugly..my mother used to
* feed me with a sling shot!
*
* When I was born the doctor took one
* look at my face...turned me over and
* said.. "Look...twins!"
*
* And we were poor too. Why if I
* wasn't born a boy..I'd have nothing
* to play with!

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