Posted on 11/11/2004 5:12:40 PM PST by CHARLITE
In a surprise announcement, Al Gores cable channel has announced the cancellation of what he and other insiders had hoped would be a series to electrify the 18-24 year old voter demographic in the 2004 election. But as the election neared on November 2nd, industry watchers admitted candidly that the show, The Two Johns, about two multi-millionaire attorneys on a quest to wrest the White House from Republican control, had not found the right mix of hip humor, adolescent angst, and political pizzazz to wrest young viewers from such hits as Pimp My Ride and The MacNeil/Lehrer Report. Former Vice President Al Gore, who spoke briefly at the final press conference for the defunct series, gave a short speech that became increasingly animated: We just thought that if kids had an alternativeto Fox News, to the Washington Times, to Rush Limbaugh; that if they could turn to the sage wisdom of the Al Frankens, the Michael Moores, and the Jeanine Garofalosthat theyd come to see the power of the media to shape presidential politics. Hell, I was writing about this in college--and that was before I invented the Internet, for criminy sake! We put our cameras in the hands of 18 to 24 year olds and told them Let America see what you see. We wanted them to turn on, tune in, and drop INon politics: Well, they did. And, in the words of Hunter S. Thompson, The little bastards let us down once again. Well, if you ask me, we just got punkd!! YOU got punkd!! AMERICA GOT PUNKD!!!!
After Mr. Gore stormed off the stage, the press was given a preview of the shows final episode which, in honor of the delayed concession speech by the democratic nominee for the presidency, ALGORE TV will air one day after the inauguration of President George W. Bush to a second term.
John: I told you we didnt need to concede. Im channeling babies right nowbabies I tell you. Babies in Ohio, babies in New Mexico, babies in Wisconsin, in Iowa. You know what theyre saying? Theyre saying, We would have voted for you. Give us a voice. Give us a provisional ballot. We know we cant write. You can fill it out for uscause we would be for you if we were ever born! Were the silenced majority! Dont disenfranchise us! We are counting on you to make sure that our votes count and they are counted!
John: You know, John, you just have no idea how warming that is, how generous, your love is, your affection, and Im gratified by it.
John: Wha?
John: I wish that I could just wrap you up in my arms and embrace you, individually. Here, and all across the nation.
Turns toward John, opening his arms.
John: I mean it. From the bottom of my heart. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
John: (backing away) Hey, wait a minute. Calm down, John. Its okay, really. Its cool. Its cool. Every single one of those bills, uh, passed, you know? I mean, its cool and everything, but. . . . What did the judges in Massachusetts say again?
John: I will always be particularly grateful to you, John. My partner.
John: Hey, theres your wife!
John: Oh. Uh. Hello, dear. How are you feeling? Did you get some Nuprin?
Theresa: Shove it.
John: And that reminds me. We really ought to be grateful to our families, who have stood beside us every step of the way. Like my stepson here, who stood boldly forth to speak the truth to the American people. Was brave enough not to shy away from the truth!would not mislead. Told it like it is! That was very brave.
Chris: I cant believe you lost to a coke-head!
John: Now. Now. Ive been known to do a few woofers and tweeters in my time too. Really should have helped us to connect with that MTV crowd. They say that all that stuff messes with your mind after awhile. Well, I just guess this is proof.
John: Well, thats no reason to disenfranchise anyone. You know? I mean, we had a plan for all those kidsif we could have just got them to get off their couches, put down their cheetos and get their sorry butts to the polls!
John: Still, we wouldnt have gotten anywhere without each other, John. You know that, I just want to tell you how much . . .
John: Hey! Theres your wife!
John: Is there something you need? Maybe a toddy. Can I get you something for your feet?
Theresa: Why dont you go get me some gin and some raisons. Now.
Turning to John.
Theresa: I cant believe I married a second politician. I cant believe I married a first politician. He wasnt one when we met. I cant believe my family left Africa and came to this country. I cant believe I live in America, I cant believe I ever even married an American. And I cant believe were embarked on this journey.
John: But thats the point. Were on a journey. A journey of two Americas. And the second America has been cast aside by the first America. But we havent lost. Im channelingCHANNELING, I tell you! The babies! In Iowa, in Wisconsin, in New Mexico! Who better to represent those voices than a couple of lawyers?!!?
Theresa: Oh, you silly little man. Sit down. Let a real woman tell you something for once. A lot of people are not used to a dame, a lady or something to have opinions. You get all upsetyour hair is getting mussed. Here is my compact. Fix it.
John: Gee, thanks.
Theresa: Who needs Arizona? Who needs America? Let John McCain worry about New Mexico. Let him talk to those little brown people. Who needs them? Have any of them ever had a real job? And who is qualified to be the president of the United States anyway? I mean, are you qualified to run the world? Not run it, but have that influence? No, nobody is.
John: Hows that?
Theresa: Much better. Now stop touching it.
John: Okay. Hey! Johns back!
Theresa: Wonderful.
John: Here you are dear, Blue Sapphire. Raisonswhite.
Theresa: Oh John, shove the raisons. Give me the gin. You are an idiot.
John: Now, Theresa. I told you: Id been drinking before I took that aptitude test.
Theresa: I dont care. Im going to have the help drive me back to the mansion in the SUV. I feel my saphartic duodenum beginning to swell. You can get a driver. Tomorrow I leave for Mozambique. Please have an attorney split up the company in the Caymansthis boy, he could do it.
John: Sure! Hey, heres your compact back.
Theresa: Shove it.
John: You see, John? Thats why we have to stick together. For each other. For America. There are still two Americas. There is still deep division, but by our example, we can heal that division. You are I. Because there are bigger things here, John. You mind if I take off my jacket? Yes. Bigger thingsprotractedly bigger things. And we can soothe them. Heal them. As partnersin a very real, and legally binding sense.
John: Yeah. Ive been meaning to talk to you about that. Ive got some plans of my own. You need to talk to Terry about that, maybe. Or Howard. You should call him. See ya!
John: You know. I will do that. I will call him. I . . . I will. Call him. Nowwhere did I put my cell-phone?
Mr. Borse holds a Ph.D. in English from Louisiana State University. He is an assistant Professor of English at a two year college in north central Indiana. He is married with four children--two girls and two boys. Interests include media, culture, politics, literature, philosophy, and disc-golf. His articles also appear periodically at ChronWatch.com and TheRant.us.
ROLF! Good read bump!
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