Posted on 02/12/2005 7:00:08 PM PST by NYC GOP Chick
By DAMIEN CAVE
IET GAUCHAT arrived at his new girlfriend's apartment on Valentine's Day a few years ago with box of chocolate candy and a card. Their first date had occurred only a few weeks earlier, and since he had just ended a serious relationship, Mr. Gauchat approached the holiday warily.
He figured candy was safe - a step up from the clip-on teddy bear he'd given to someone a few years back, yielding the complaint that he was "an emotional park bench." The idea was simply to keep the relationship in play, without moving it forward.
"I gave her mine first, feeling a bit sheepish," Mr. Gauchat, a 31-year-old software entrepreneur from Hoboken, recalled. "She then proceeded to pull out this nicely wrapped box, which had a blue cashmere sweater in it."
The clearly uneven rate of exchange, he said, "was an unmitigated disaster complete with tears, followed by breakup and nasty e-mails referring to my inability to 'validate her emotional needs.' "
There are probably no couples who consistently sail through Valentine's Day, each miraculously meeting and exceeding the other's expectations, neither one feeling put out or shortchanged.
But for those in the first flush of love or lust, the day casts a particularly long and ominous shadow, forcing couples to gamble on a relationship that has barely begun. Do too much, and you scare the other person away; too little and your date may be disappointed. Most people would prefer to just shut their eyes and hope it goes away, but of course it never does.
Steve Koppes, 47, a publicist and children's book author in Chicago, was so afraid of the Valentine's Day hex that he almost stopped dating altogether. Though he had spent most of 2004 alone and mildly miserable, he had a hard time facing the prospect of colossal, public romantic failure.
"I'd just rather not deal with it," he said.
Nevertheless, there is now a woman in the picture and Mr. Koppes - still unsure of what he will do - sees Valentine's Day bearing down on him like a freight train.
"You never really know what you're going to get or what's going to happen," Mr. Koppes said last week. "People get dismissed in the dating pool for the slightest provocation so if you don't hit just the right tone, you're out."
Trying to anticipate the romantic expectations of someone you don't know that well may in fact be impossible, said Barbara DeAngelis, author of "What Women Want Men to Know" (Hyperion, 2001). "People don't realize until it's too late that each of us has a secret relationship rule book based on a combination of expectation, fantasies or even television," she said. "We come into a relationship not even realizing we have it, but we enforce it immediately."
The misunderstandings, the tears, the breakups, usually revolve around a single question. Is Valentine's Day important?
For some - mostly men - the answer is a definitive no. They tend to see Feb. 14 as "a day on the calendar that vendors promote to get into their wallet," said Michael Webb, author of "The RoMANtic's Guide: Hundreds of Creative Tips for a Lifetime of Love" (Hyperion, 2000).
Others, he said - often women - "believe that what happens on Feb. 14 will be an indication of how the rest of their relationship will play out for eternity."
For the faint of heart, there's always leaving town. Mr. Gauchat's current girlfriend saw potential trouble coming and made plans to visit her family in Oregon over their first Valentine's Day together. They've been together ever since.
And of course it helps to have advance intelligence. Lucy Fowler, 29, a lawyer in Boston, said she pulled off a Valentine's Day coup a few years ago thanks to a friend who tipped her off that a new beau would be sending a dozen purple tulips. She liked him, but their first date had been only 10 days earlier; she hadn't gotten him anything because she didn't want to seem pushy or clingy.
"I freaked out because I realized that I would have to reciprocate without making it look like I was doing so only because I found out about the tulips," she said. "I wanted things not to be awkward."
So, like a prosecutor faced with a surprise witness, she put in a call to Zingerman's, a specialty food store in Ann Arbor, Mich., where the beau had attended law school. After hearing about her predicament, the saleswoman agreed to send him an e-mail message claiming that the gift was arriving late because of a software glitch.
"He loved it," Ms. Fowler said. Eventually the pair broke up, but amicably. "And to this day," she said, "he does not know that he received bread only in response to the tulips."
Better my license than my lightsaber.
Reminds me of that commercial were a guy goes over to a woman's house for a first date, and she's already knitted him clothing and proceeds to introduce him to her parents.
Now there is a romantic man! How nice!
Oh, please, you've got cleaning lady action coming out your ears.
~loves her honey~
But won't you just fall asleep during the movie after that meal and dessert? :-D
Wha?
Oh, you're just chicken. ;-)
>>>>Oh, please, you've got cleaning lady action coming out your ears.
Nope. Cleaning lady works second shift.
Reminds me of that commercial were a guy goes over to a woman's house for a first date, and she's already knitted him clothing and proceeds to introduce him to her parents
Yikes!!!! I haven't seen that commercial. Does the guy Run??? He should, he should burn rubber!
"Oh, please, you've got cleaning lady action coming out your ears."
You've got my husband dying with laughter disrupting his food channel watching.... guess what they're cooking with? You guessed it... chocolate.
You mean you "expect" that to be the case, right?
Thank you. I'm going to celebrate. Maybe I'll buy something -- for me. And then watch a movie that I want to watch and have a dinner made by the good folks at Panera, logged into FR.
When you are meant to meet her, she will be there, no matter what you do for a living. Those things work in mysterious ways.
Oh, I know. Why, once there was a whirlwind romance. Yes, it's true. She was an unusual woman, but she had low standards, and I was all over that. She didn't mind that I was ugly or obnoxious or all of the other faults she said I had. I have the list around here somewhere. Anyway, as time passed, our relationship strained. Then she started seeing someone else. Several someone elses. I found out later, enough to staff a 24-hour convenience store. Anyway, she's married now. I'm happy for her. She has children and a family. She married a very nice Indian gentleman. And it's only fitting.
She's sacred there.
You posted: "Better than him trying on wedding dresses!"
Utilizing wit, wisdom and that endearing obscurity I responded with my post, which implies "him" "coming out". Then with my pithy line thrown out, in the style of a not-so-good comedian, I visualized someone coming around asking for tips in appreciation for my act.
I got a "wha?" from you and someone asking if I was Bill O'Reilly. I guess that's success.
Oh jeez, I gave her a box of those corny little hearts too!
Helllllllllllllllllllllp!
I don't know what came over me.
I left them with one of the other tellers as she wasn't working today, maybe I could break into the bank and get them back before it's too late?
Keith in Iowa: That's fine, but first I'll need some information: Your name, your home phone number, what you are wearing at this moment,...
I've got a headache, that's too complex for me to cope with right now. Sorry.
She didn't mind that I was ugly or obnoxious or all of the other faults she said I had. I have the list around here somewhere.
Somehow I doubt any of that is true!! All you need a one prerequisite and if its truly there, you are all set. Make sure she is a down to earth conservative girl!
My husband is a good cook and likes kitchen gadgets. One of the best presents he's EVER gotten was from my mom. It was a large frying pan WITH A LID! He was thrilled to pieces!
The sweet man bought me a hamster on our first Valentine's Day. I'd told him that I had always wanted one but never had one as a kid. Yesterday we were wandering the pet store and saw signs posted which said, "A snake for your sweetie! A dog for your dolly!" I told him the hamster was great, but if he buys me a snake for Vanentine's Day, I'd kill him! LOL!
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