Posted on 06/13/2005 7:03:00 AM PDT by aynrandy
Colorado is under attack. The Great Quarter War has begun.
Admittedly, Gov. Bill Owens sparked the interstate kerfuffle. But he was merely asserting the obvious.
While Colorado's new quarter design is hardly exhilarating, we should be grateful that it's less atrocious than the design from an inferior state, like, say ... Minnesota.
"Gov. (Tim) Pawlenty in Minnesota, tell him his quarter is an example of what not to do to a quarter," Owens explained last week on Hugh Hewitt's syndicated radio program (KNUS-710 AM). "You know, his quarter has all this weird stuff. It has canoes, it has lakes, it has the outline of the state. It has, like, mosquitoes, the official bird of Minnesota."
Owens is correct. If you care for some strange reason, and are distressed about the Colorado humdrum quarter design, check out Minnesota's - it is ghastly.
An embarrassment to their state. To the nation, even.
But Owens is mistaken about one thing. Judging from the depiction, it seems Minnesota's official bird is the duck. Or rather, something called a loon - a mentally challenged flat-billed waterfowl that doesn't know any better than to hang out in Minnesota.
Perhaps Pawlenty had no choice. After all, how do you properly depict bone-rattling sub-zero temperatures on the back of a coin?
Well, as soon as Owens spoke, Minnesotans guzzled down some generic beer, slipped into their fighting long johns and attacked.
Minnesota blogger and columnist James Lileks had this to say about our quarter: "First of all, using the mountains. What a stunning surprise that is. Let's use something for which we Coloradans can take personal pride in having created. It's a very nice quarter, but what's the slogan on the Colorado quarter?"
Well, our slogan is "Colorful Colorado." Which we should concede is a barefaced lie. Colorado is many things, but brown, though technically a color, is not exactly what you'd refer to as "colorful."
But what's Minnesota's quarter slogan?
"Land of 10,000 Lakes."
We realize Minnesotans are bored, but really, did they dig those 10,000 (actually, 22,000) lakes themselves?
In any event, Gov. Pawlenty reacted in a manner Minnesotans are, sadly, prone to, by hitting below the belt.
"And I think it's a Bill Owens-inspired plan and plot. And if you look carefully at
it ... you can quite clearly see a figure of Bill Owens nude, embedded within the quarter of the state of Colorado, and I think it's a sick thing on his part."
A truly disquieting allegation.
I would call for a boycott of Minnesota tourism, but really, that's just silly. The only folks who tour Minnesota come from Canada, and as any rational duck would, they're just passing through.
"It's very disturbing," Pawlenty went on. "And to have him use, you know, a grand occasion like the unveiling of a historic quarter, that's supposed to commemorate the beauty of the state, for his own self and really sick aggrandizement is troubling."
Owens responded to this attack by suggesting a new license plate slogan: "Minnesota - Gateway to North Dakota."
Here are some other suggestions I've heard: "Minnesota: 10,000 Lakes and 10,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 Mosquitoes."
"Minnesota - Land of two seasons: Winter's coming and winter's here."
Yet, unlike Pawlenty, who is content spreading warped allegations, Owens has come up with a rational solution: "Let the people of America decide which quarter: Tim Pawlenty's quarter which has some mosquitoes, a couple of drunk guys in a boat, a couple of birds called loons, and the outline of Minnesota, versus the majestic Rocky Mountains."
In truth, both quarters are worth 25 cents, and both states are gonna take the first dime away from you regardless of design flaws.
(Coloradans, go to www.radioblogger.com and vote for our sub-par-but-better-than-theirs quarter.)
David Harsanyi's column appears Monday and Thursday. Reach him at 303-820-1255 or dharsanyi@denverpost.com.
Our Michigan quarter sucks.
LOL!
The Colorado one looks like a picture of a potato chip.
*Ole and Lena got married. On their honeymoon trip they were nearing Minneapolis when Ole put his hand on Lena's knee. Giggling, Lena said, "Ole, you can go farther if ya vant to"... so Ole drove to Duluth.
Minnesota's is better. They both suck.
Is that a loon or the Loch Ness Monster??
It's political correctness at work. If you put natural wonders on a coin, no one can really argue with it, and it makes the enviros happy.
But if you start putting things you are proud of from your history, expect the leftists to come out screaming. Monticello? Jefferson owned slaves! The alamo? Anti-mexican!
Let's not even get into southern plantation buildings or native americans.
Looks like Minnesota wins the slogan competion.
The Colorado one, the outline ridge looks like a man asleep. Hair on the left and lips on the right.
But the Colorado quarter sucks. The picture looks like one of those Easter Island statues laying down.
this is a conservative columnist. and what HISTORY? a boat and a loon?
Hopefully it's not Lake Wobegon.
It should be a pic of Bobby Plump making The Shot for Milan.
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