| Name | Pirate name |
| John Doe | Captain Blade McSlain |
| Harry McPeters | Hook-Handed Harrison (ouch :) |
| Dingy Harry | Fancy Pants Pete |
| Lindsey Graham | Black Cloud (LOL!) |
| Nancy Pelosi | Cannibal Drake Ironman |
| John McCain | Dastardly Dick |
| Bill Frist | Crew-Killer Carson |
| William Clinton | Devil Dan |
| The Hildabeaste | Calico Jack McGurk |
| Barney Frank | Black Morty Rackham |
BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Great thinkin' buddy! Wish I'd thought of it!